Categories: uncategorized
Date: 12 November 2004 19:07:16
For the second time this week, deeleea has written the blog entry that I intended to but she got there first. The other day it was about losing a housemate, today I was reflecting (and decided to blog about) the fact that I'm flippin' knackered and yet, despite a full-on week of full-time work, I'm working again tomorrow (an early shift at the hospice, which I desperately don't want to do if I'm honest but have to keep plugging away at getting the requisite number of hours done), and then I need to do some studying (Russian) and the UpNorth application form arrived today so I have to start thinking about that too (first of all whether or not to apply, and if I do, what the heck do I put on the form. Argh). And, like dee, I'm feeling "thin" in mind and spirit if not in body (definitely not in body - more biscuits today. More of which later). I think I should stop asking God for guidance and just keep reading deeleea's blog, as I seem to be running about 12 hours behind her. Not to put you under any pressure or anything dee :)
I was thinking on the train this morning about all this, and for some reason remembered a birthday present I got 10 years ago, when I lived in Romania, from one of my students. It is a necklace with a wooden Japanese symbol, I must say it's not particularly my taste as a fashion item but I've kept it (it's hanging up on one of my bookshelves) as I remember how profound I'd found it at the time. My student told me that it was apparently the Japanese symbol for "empty", and I remember at the time that pretty much hit me between the eyes. I just knew that that was a prayer for my life, but not in a negative way - I'd previously prayed that my life wouldn't be "easy" or "comfortable", and I'd also prayed that God would teach me about "patience", and this time I felt how important it was that I be completely empty of all but God. Now that didn't mean (for me) giving away everything but the clothes I stood up in, but did mean (I think) that I should offer up every part of my life to God, and that in comparison with God everything else should be totally insignificant. Of course I'm far from living up to that (pretty impossible) standard, but looking back on my life I think that all of those prayers have been, and continue to be, answered. Dang! - me and my big mouth! Obviously at the moment with stuff happening I'm feeling a bit on the fragile side, not helped by full-on work and other stuff that needs doing *right now*, with hardly any time for *me*, and I'm really aware of feeling "empty". Which sounds to me very much like deeleea's "thin".
Back to biscuits. Today was the last day at the cathedral and so the last day for those scrummy chocolate chip cookies. Which on balance is a good thing - my waistline wouldn't have coped with much more of the onslaught, the chocolate chips by themselves were like small rocks, never mind the bits of biscuit holding them together. Back at home, I decided after my virtuous salad to have a Traidcraft stem ginger cookie. And, I have to say, this particular pack has a distinct lack of, well, ginger. Most disappointing.
Talking of the cathedral, here it is: Southwark Cathedral. An oasis of calm among the trains and City bustle. I've so appreciated it this week - I managed Morning Eucharist this morning which was wonderful, just what I needed. I got up in time to make it to Morning Prayer too, but unfortunately the trains weren't quite as perky this morning as I was (to put it mildly - cancelled, too packed, late etc). Anyway, it was most definitely a glut of culture for me this week, not to mention much-needed spiritual sustenance, and I discovered today that nearby is a future culture vulture place which I'll try to check out in the next few weeks (not so spiritual though, and a bit gruesome from what I've heard!) - watch this space.