Categories: uncategorized
Date: 17 November 2004 18:37:55
So, a mere 3 days ago I was telling you how I'd definitely decided not to apply for the PhD till next year, to start in 2006, and gave you lots of reasons why that was a really good thing and would massively reduce my stress, and got lots of comments congratulating me on making the decision. But this afternoon I received an email from one of the UpNorth Uni tutors, checking that I'm still planning on applying and letting me know there's only a month left for formal expressions of interest in applying to start in 2005. And as soon as I read it I got one of those heart "leaps" - it would be a great thing to do, UpNorth is such a great city, it means I will know what I'm doing for the next 4 years but can be flexible after that, rather than 5 years, which seems ages, and the tutors are contacting me and taking me seriously, and I don't want to take that for granted.
I could be sneaky and just delete the entry from a couple of days back so my hopeless indecision isn't plastered all over the internet, but as one of the main reasons for this blog (hence its title) was to document the ups and downs of my mature student experience, and as indecision around big decisions feels like a major part of that process, here it is in all its glory.
I was so sure leaving it another year was a good idea. But now I've had this email, the thought of starting next year is so appealing, I'm feeling really excited about the prospect, despite all the associated house and HV registration stresses. I like to think that it's because when I get an idea I get behind it 150%. But it probably just means I'm fickle and indecisive.
Whatever decision I take, it will be a leap of faith. Whatever decision I take, that leap won't be over a cliff. So either way that's great, though I can't say it helps much with the decision-making process. I know God doesn't do (or at least doesn't for me) writing in the sky guidance. But it would be rather handy if he did, just this once.