Categories: uncategorized
Date: 20 November 2004 09:52:35
For much of this week I've been waking up at all sorts of unearthly hours, and this morning was no exception. Only today I was pleased, because (for some reason - hadn't given it a second thought before this morning) I remembered that today is my Christian birthday. At 5.30am on 20th November 1987 I made the momentous decision to stop resisting those urges and callings to Christ that I'd felt since I was a very young child, and I have to say it's something I've never regretted. In the weeks leading up to that time, I had had a lot of angst about wanting to believe but also wanting cast-iron, rock-solid proof of Christianity, and when I made the decision to finally just accept it I thought at the time that what I had done was stop my intellectual struggles and just "have faith". In the 17 years since then I've realised that at the point of accepting Christ the intellectual struggles started, not stopped, and it was interesting to look back on how I've changed over the last 17 years as a result of that decision and that process of combining my faith with my brain.
I was lucky that I was at uni and knew a lot of Christians studying sciences who could talk about Creation/Evolution in realistic ways so I never got into the young earth creation thing particularly (although I was never a total literalist, I did for a while consider the Bible as a more accurate historical record than I do now). I found acceptance, in faith and in the church, which I had never known before, and I thank God for those early years where I must admit to being somewhat cocooned not only in uni campus life (where the outside world rarely seemed to penetrate) but also in a bit of a Christian bubble. Over the last few years I started to find that more of a shackle than a protection/comfort and have moved away from the certainties presented to me in the church tradition in which I had settled to a less certain, more liberal and questioning faith. I ask "Why?" much more often now, but despite that I still find that without Christianity, I simply cannot make sense of the world. There are times (more often than I'd like) when I do wonder if I'm not just making it all up, but one of the best things about it all has been the Christians I've met who I've liked, respected and have shown me the reality of a life lived following Christ. They have, thankfully, far outweighed the jerks who make me embarrassed sometimes to admit that we share the same God (although sadly it's always the jerks who get the attention).
So - it's been an up and down last 17 years, with the best and worst of times. But I have nothing but thanks for still being here, still knowing there is more to life than what I do, still seeing Christ in random acts of kindness and in his people and his world.
I think that definitely deserves a Guinness or 3 tonight at the Cheshire Cheese to celebrate :)