Categories: uncategorized
Date: 04 January 2005 22:15:12
Wishing everyone who reads this a very happy new year - I hope you had a good celebration and pray for a successful and peaceful 2005. I had a good one - a last minute invitation from a friend following my crappy end to 2004 saw me leaving work at lunchtime on New Year's Eve and flying up to Edinburgh, where I didn't go to the Hogmanay street party but did go to a party at some friends'. Spent the next few days relaxing, doing a bit of studying (in an unpressured environment, which meant that I knocked out 1000 not bad words in about an hour. The pressured bit comes now when I get the tutor's comments on which 500 words I need to get rid of, and which bits I forgot to include!), hitting the sales (new digital camera, will have fun playing with that), catching up on sleep, and seeing "The Messiah" at the Usher Hall (my friend is in the Edinburgh Royal Choral Union who were the choir for the performance). I realised as I was sitting right up in the gods that although I know "The Messiah" really well, this is actually the first time I'd been in the audience rather than in the choir. I enjoyed it a lot, though at a number of points I was itching to sing! Apart from a false start at the start of the Hallelujah Chorus, and that I felt the orchestra were a bit tentative with their first note of each piece (the conductor was on the subtle, sensitive side), I thought it was an excellent concert, and a great way to start the new year. Note to self: do more musical stuff this year. Hopefully I'll do a London culture thing this month too, but if I don't manage it then that can be January's.
Another note to self (New Year's resolution I guess): read at least one book per month which isn't a text book or related to work, and read it for pleasure. I'll tell you about them when I read them, maybe that'll make me more likely to do it, like the culture stuff.
I'd taken my walking boots and stuff up to Scotland, in case I got the chance to do a bit of walking, but the weather and circumstances meant that it didn't happen - rain on New Year's Day, church and shopping on Sunday, concert yesterday, and lie-in then coming home today. Mind you, what with the walking stuff and my text books the rucksack was heavy enough for me to feel like I've had some exercise anyway! (we just won't mention the miniscule amounts of wine consumed over the last few days. Ahem).
I also went to a church (Old St Paul's) in Edinburgh city centre on Sunday which was very different to what I'm used to (we don't do bells and smells in my church, but I found it lovely to go somewhere so different) where afterwards over coffee in the church hall I met someone I went to uni with, totally unexpectedly, who is now a priest in Edinburgh Diocese. She vaguely remembered my face (thankfully my mullet hairdo and big plastic glasses are long-gone!!! whereas she hadn't changed a bit) and we caught up on who we've stayed in touch with (she was better than me though at that - one thing meeting her very much reminded me of was how I wasn't in the music dept in-crowd and so most of my friends were in other departments). A very unexpected surprise indeed - the world continues to get smaller.
I got back this evening, and had a minor piece of excitement on the way back, when I found myself sitting opposite somebody famous on the Stansted so-called Express (it was very very slow tonight). I didn't recognise him to start with, but he was on his mobile phone lots so I soon picked up that he was called Ray, and then I started to think hmmm he looks familiar, realised who I thought he was about halfway through the journey, and having checked on Google when I got back I can confirm that it really was Ray Mears (the Extreme Survival guy). So I've decided that I shall designate 2005 the Year of the Minor Celebrity and see how many more I spot over the year. Watch this space.
Other things about the last few days was that it was a great chance to clear my muddled head of a lot of emotional baggage (or at least acknowledge it was there, more accurately!). Partly I did that just through catching up on some sleep (the last two nights are the best nights' sleep I've had for months, despite being in a tiny and unfamiliar bed), partly through having the time to think about my PhD application rather than overly stressing about it and spending an occasional tired half-hour on it after a busy day at work, and partly through just being away from London, which can get a bit much sometimes, wonderful place though it is. I'm feeling a bit stronger emotionally now, and more aware of stuff that I need to deal with. Which is scary, but good too, and I think that I can do that without becoming self-indulgent and self-absorbed (which is always the danger with these things I guess). Also, somewhat randomly, I decided that when I move into a new place, I'm going to think very seriously about getting a dog. I've never had a dog before so I know it's a huge commitment, particularly if I'm working, but I always had the burglary at the back of my mind (it will take months for that to stop), and also I think that although I do like living on my own, the company would be great and if I pick the right one (not big, not tiny, not manic, thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread, barks at burglars) that would be a real boost. Watch this space later in the year.
Talking of the burglary, there are STILL no glazing quotes. It's been 3 weeks. In another context the friend I was staying with in Scotland was telling me I need to get in touch with my Inner Bitch. I don't really do Inner Bitch to be honest , but she's getting an outing tomorrow when I phone the companies AGAIN. At least I've the time this week that I can try to find some alternative companies, but it would have been good if I'd have been able to send the stuff off last week and get the actual work done this week whilst I'm off work. But no, that's way too organised and easy and logical. *sigh*
And of course, all this stuff was taking place in the context of last week's tsunami, and it all seems so insignificant compared to what so many millions are going through - I may not have a window, but I do have a home and loved ones still alive and food and water and all that. It's so easy to feel guilty about letting life go on, but go on it has to. I can't make sense of it, maybe there's no sense to be made of it. I don't know. I'm still numb just thinking about it, before I even think about the other world situations that have been pushed into the background (Darfur for example). I'd find it so easy to stop thinking about it all, as otherwise it all seems so overwhelming - help me Lord to get the balance right, to stop ignoring or intellectualising it but instead show me what positive and good I can do rather than being simply overwhelmed by guilt at my good life.