Categories: thanks-be-to-god, work, spiritual-journey
Date: 11 May 2012 09:38:32
A few hours after a technical interview I thought I failed, I was offered the job at Newcastle today. I was told I was knowledgeable, there were tough questions; I did not get flustered or frustrated when asked things I did not know; I asked questions; and I showed a willingness to learn. I happily accepted the offer, reminding myself, as my former manager reminded me when I dropped by my old workplace to let them know, that I am always harder and more critical on myself than others.
I did a lot of thinking about he job out west. Yes, it would have interested me. Yes, it would be a change of scene. And, yes, it would be at a slower pace, which is what I thought I needed.
After prayer, sighs of frustration and confusion, pondering and weighing up the options, and examining my motives, I came to the conclusion the job would be helpful in some areas, but unhelpful in a few others. And weighing it up logically, the Newcastle job had a few more positives and a few less negatives.
I was rather upset with myself after the events of earlier this year, particularly in regard to leaving the new job I had. My only thought was really to escape from it all, and escape from everyone around me, as I saw myself as a burden on others, a failure, a tragic case only worthy of pity. God, through my priest, my friends, and the community here which includes people I am proud to call friends, guided me to the conclusion that isolation is not the answer for me. I hope that does not come across as pretentious or self-indulgent thoughts; I am not talking about voices from the sky, or an inward pressing belief -- though God may work in those ways -- but through the actions and comments of others I realised a few things about what I was thinking: and as I believe God controls and directs all, I see His Hand in these events, and in all events.
I am not called to be a hermit, despite my introvert tendencies, and that way would only lead to further pain and struggles. Not talking to or avoiding friends, fellow Christians in Church and those around me may make me feel happy as I am not bothering or burdening people, and make me feel good to show myself "I can do it alone"; but, for me, and me alone, I make no judgements on others as we all walk different paths, I think that is Pride and Willfulness in a not particularly healthy form; and extended and prolonged isolation is never a good thing for me.
What does the Newcastle job offer? A place close to my sister, brother-in-law and my beloved nieces. A city away from Sydney, but one of reasonable size [over 280,000 people in the Newcastle area; 8th largest city in Australia] and with cultural delights I enjoy and other services, and nice beaches close to where I will be for me to walk along...; and close enough to Sydney to easily come back for friends and family on occasion [~2 hours' drive] . A job that has one primary defined role for now and for some months, which is one I find interesting and will challenge me, rather than multiple roles as I had before or a job that may not challenge me enough and may lead to boredom/frustration as some other jobs I interviewed for could. A job which will pay the bills and leave a bit left over. And, a company where I met in-person the people I will work with and felt like it was a very good fit for me and somewhere I would enjoy working: perhaps one of the most important things for me.
It's a decision. Echoing Chas' dad again, I pray I am able to make it the right decision. Thanks be to God for the support I have received this year in particular, of which much was received through this blog and your prayers, comments, sharing of your own experiences and your comforting words: all which is greatly valued and appreciated. Thank you all.