Categories: work, prayer, hope-and-trust
Date: 03 May 2012 09:09:15
...and I am not sure if He will taketh away. Proof I am a bear of very little brain, I did not ask the exact salary I would be on. The other high school had offered a rate I could live within, but the job I was moving towards accepting [I have not signed anything] has given me a rate that could be rather challenging. Now, perhaps there is a lesson for me...live better and more cheaply. Since January I have realised how much I used to spend on certain things. That said, an unfortunate side-effect of my mental struggles last year was that I treated debt as if it were an almost bottomless pit I could draw upon, buying things in an attempt to make me happy [sad, I know]. So I do have certain payments that need to be made. Sadly, with rent, car insurance and petrol, and other expenses, the rate offered will not allow me to make all my payments. I did ring and ask if they could match the salary when I received the letter, and there is movement there. We shall see. Is it a sign? And if so, from God or from my own mind and foolishness? I really do not know. I am not upset, perhaps a bit disappointed in myself, and the thought of applying and interviewing after I thought I'd left that behind is not exactly causing me to turn cartwheels. We shall see... I know God is all this...even if I cannot see it; and even if I could see it I doubt it'd make much sense as His Ways are beyond my simple ones. As I was reading part of the Akathist to the our Sweetest Lord Jesus (one translation here) in my new Prayer Book tonight; and that prayer book, from Holy Transfiguration Monastery in Brookline, Massachusetts, is my first bound and 'official' 'Eastern Prayer Book' as such; my first -- which I had for 7+ years was a stapled paper version was put together by our priest back then, thanks be to God, and contained much in the way of services and prayers for certain occasions -- has been falling apart for many a month... I need, when I am back working, to find a bound copy of prayers for certain occasions and people (e.g. opening the day; before a journey; for single people; for children (my nieces); etc... ; any suggestions appreciated... Anyway, where was I?!? The Akathist...: as I prayed it the penultimate ikoi [strophe] it seemed to speak to my fears tonight, and give me a sense of peace and hope. Blessed be God in all things.
Whilst hymning Thine Incarnation, we all praise Thee, and with Thomas we believe that Thou art our Lord and God, Who sittest with the Father, and shalt come to judge the living and the dead. Grant that I may then stand at Thy right hand, who now cry: Jesus, King of peace, bestow Thy peace upon me. Jesus, sweet-scented Flower, make me fragrant. Jesus, longed-for Warmth, warm Thou me. Jesus, eternal Temple, shelter me. Jesus, resplendent Garment, adorn me. Jesus, Pearl of great price, enrich me. Jesus, precious Stone, illumine me. Jesus, Sun of Righteousness, shine on me. Jesus, holy Light, make me radiant. Jesus, deliver me from infirmity of soul and body. Jesus, rescue me from the hands of the adversary. Jesus, save me from the everlasting torments. Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me.