Date: 24 February 2011 07:31:23
Not sure why that David Bowie song pops into my head whenever I write "Changes"; one of my many oddities I am sure. Perhaps the allusions in the song [as I read them] to re-inventions and direction changes, among other things, strike a chord at this time.
But first: thank you all for the kind and wonderful comments; you are all a great blessing and my life is better for knowing you.
And Miss Lisa -- my apologies about missing the news on Tasmania's floods: I seemed to lose track of the news for a month or so and then it was all natural disasters [and God bless and sustain those in Christchurch and those who have lost loved ones] and citizen uprisings in the Middle East. I seemed glued to the BBC World Service radio for hours taking it all in.
To the changes...
In some grasp to try and latch on to some direction in life, which I did not really realise what it was until this week, I applied and was accepted into a Masters in IT program. I am sure it would have been interesting in its own way, but (1) I am not really in the mindset for it currently; and (2) I was more grasping onto what I thought others expected of me [mind-reading...I am sure I was way off...] and trying to grasp on to some sense of a plan and direction in life as many around me seem to have one while I bumble on through...
Today I deferred it for a semester [hedging my bets rather than discontinuing ...], and signed up for a course on Training and Assessment, which is often required or desired for jobs in vocational and adult education. Long-suffering readers are well aware of my past teaching attempts, and my negativity about myself and fears which keep me away from giving it a real shot: but as my mind continually comes back to it, I think, I believe, for my sake I need to give it a go so I can either crash and burn spectacularly or find out I may want to pursue it.
I definitely do not want to sound like a whinger and whiner, and I hope I do not because I know I am blessed, but, despite all the positives of my current job,in many ways I do not want to be there. As I wrote a few days back, things are better; but at the same time I am always wondering "What if?" in terms of a career change -- as well as the fact my current position will also change somewhat, and not in a direction I really want, so at the same time I am keeping an eye out for other jobs, in IT, that may make it a bit easier for me. Hence me taking this step, a small step as I can study while I work, to see if I can do it. And at least then, I hope, I can make a more-informed decision.
I am excited about the Training and Assessment course. Which I think is a good sign at the start at least.