What Does God Want Me To Do?

Categories: spiritual-journey

Date: 11 July 2010 05:24:33

Such a topic for a guided retreat could not help but appeal. So it was off to the Discalced Carmelite community in south-west Sydney, about half-an-hour from where I live, for the final weekend in June.

Much happened. Much unexpected happened.

Having tears flow seemingly unstoppably during the Sunday Mass as the final sentences in particular of the Gospel reading were read and then preached on being the most visible -- and which caused me to rush off afterwards not participating in the final lunch: it was rather intense.

Hearing the words, "Help him to love even those parts of himself he does not love", as part of a prayer and blessing I asked for during "Confession"; being non-Catholic I could not partake of the Sacrament of Confession/Penance, but sought a blessing -- and those words, that prayer, seemed to show such insight and touched my heart and spoke to me of one of my many struggles.

Spending time in quiet, be it walking the extensive grounds [avoiding horse and cow manure!], resting by a lake or under a tree with my Prayer Book or one of the books I was reading, or at meal time. Silence truly is a gift, but also a cause of much turmoil in my mind at least as thoughts race and swirl in my head. But in time, silence, if only for a while, was in my mind, and dare I say heart.

Attending the various services throughout the weekend.

Seeing, at at the first dinner talking to, the various people who came to this weekend -- different ages, places, nationalities...

And, of course, the fine talks given by Fr Greg Homeming. As an introduction, and reminder to myself [and perhaps a hope they may be of benefit to any who stumble across them], here are 8 points he gave to consider when discerning, together with a brief explanation from my notes. Please be aware they're not complete and may seem a bit odd if I have not put them in context, for which I am to blame. I'll leave it here for today.

  1. Desire - an interior desire for Christ to take Him alone as Lord, and to always return to this.
  2. There is a Choice - ensure there is actually something to discern.
  3. Not Immoral - there can be no discernment for immoral acts; they are of their nature not aligned to a life in and for Christ.
  4. A Choice Not an Obligation - "I want..." vs "I have to..."; if something is obligatory there can be no discernment about it; if it a desire, what type? A deep desire? A desire that may appear to fade, but is always present, and returns?
  5. Constant Gentle Presence - as above, a desire, a hope, that is always present; being on the guard against momentary desires which can override this deep desire. A deep desire is an innate and constant desire to do good, to do the will of God, even if the path to travel or how to achieve this is not clear.
  6. The Cross - "Take up your cross and follow me": there is loss, there is a burden to bear; as St John of the Cross wrote, "Choose the path that has the cross" -- because that is following in the path of our Saviour.
  7. Choose and Choose Honestly - if no choice is made, there is no resolution; True Christian freedom exists in choice.
  8. No Certainity; Risk - following Christ is always a risk and a loss to one's self, but a gain in Christ; we live by faith, not by what we see.