Categories: stress, work, self-esteem
Date: 22 April 2010 12:49:17
It's been a long time coming.... I didn't want this to be lost among the post's comments, for I did greatly value the comments and support on this post. So I'm commenting on the comments here. And thanks again to all, those who read and commented, and those who read [or gave up mid-way...I can go on :D]: much appreciated.
Still working it all out in my head, particularly as I racked up some more overtime this fortnight, and felt similarly frustrated. But you all made valuable and helpful comments, which are swirling around in my mind as I ponder it all. As my psychologist pointedly said this week, which I appreciated, though it was hard to hear: as I am not my usual self, and I am not at work currently, I am stressed, indulging in OCD-like behaviour, not to mention the rollercoaster of emotions, people are going to treat me "differently", however much I want to be treated "normally" [whatever those words in quotes mean...]; I am not "normal" currently and thus am showing I need support. And as much as I hate the spotlight being shone on me [oh, don't get me wrong: I love to be seen and indulged sometimes :D -- just not work currently], it is being lit up for a reason.
Going backwards through the comments...
Pants: thank you. It is nice to know I'm not alone in my annoyance, however good the intentions are.
Katya: I am sure over-analysis, particularly on my side, plays a large part of it; it happened again today with a comment that left me confused, hurt and reeling. And my sympathies and sorrow at the times of your having been burnt.
Kerensa: TOIL: a wondrous :D acronym indeed. A good suggestion for the non-management colleagues too; I appreciate it. I know I need to temper my usual response ["It is none of your concern..."] with some appreciation, but I can work on that. Thank you also for the comment on the hour being a good delimiter; I was in excess of that, often by a few hours. A good point. I do get overtime, or I can take days off; but as my managers know my workload and realised I wouldn't, couldn't, take time off easily, the overtime flowed through.
Agatha: thank you. The link to legal responsibility was something that never even entered my head.
Miss Lisa: good comments on budgets and workloads: again, as with Agatha's legal responsibility, it had not even entered my head. Thank you. I have taken the advice of keeping them more informed on-board; today I even e-mailed them and said I have too much work currently and could some plans be made for assistance. It was a struggle as I hate to admit a perceived weakness, and in this case I can intellectually see it is not a weakness but a strength in knowing my limits; still hard. But I am glad I did.
Japes: as with Pants' comment, thank you for the personal example: it helped greatly. I have attempted, I failed yesterday but made it today, to stick to my "defined hours", giving myself a half-hour leeway currently [need to start somewhere]. It was tough leaving the office with 10 or so unread e-mails and probably an equal number read-but-not-responded, but I did it. Won't say I'm not thinking about it, but small steps.
Ferijen: as a 'watchful eye', I greatly valued your comment. And please have no concern about your comments to those you watch over; this was my reaction [though as Pants and Japes commented they have or do feel similar...but you cannot control how comments are taken...] From an intellectual point of view [and I keep repeating that to show I get it at one level but not another], and even emotionally, I can see what a great asset someone like you is to the staff, as are those who manage me, because you have a concern for staff and their welfare. The being taken advantage of consideration is, again, one that did not cross my mind. Oh, and yes, Radio 4 and 100 Objects are great.
Jack the Lass: I'd say signficantly more worth than 2p: I need to remember that my perception is just that: my perception. And I should not read into others' actions without at least considering additional possibilities. As mentioned above, I can take days off, but couldn't easily then. However I do know I can leave early when the hours accumulate, which is probably a good way to go as it proves to me my world doesn't fall apart if I leave some unread or unresponded e-mail in my Inbox.
As can be seen, the comments helped in a number of ways, not just on the "overtime" and "it's my job" concerns. So again, thank you.
edit: thank you rain for your comment: in particular for your sharing of the not wanting to arrive at work with no specific starting point -- I agree. And I have started making a task list, so a checklist of sorts as well. It is helpful, but can also be rather overwhelming and a cause of anguish if I do not make much progress, as I did not today [Friday] -- even when I had a valid reason [running around trying to get my account sorted]. Thanks be to God for a good manager who guided me on the right path.