Categories: depression, anxiety, stress, work, the-internet, spiritual-journey, blogs
Date: 18 April 2010 08:00:59
...from some blogs I've read today. I was going to write some more about my struggles [generous, aren't I? sharing the despair around... ;) ], but I think I've written quite enough on that today.
World Without End writes here with a most apt, as I see it, description of depression as a zombie; while anxiety seems to have the upperhand with me currently, the spectre of the Black Dog is never far. He also writes on the fact that getting out and about "seems almost to work", on which I agree; but sometimes perhaps I give in too easily -- on days like today I feel simply too drained and too emotional to even try.
Some wise words from St John Maximovitch thanks to Moses Ibrahim's weblog, via this post of Michael's on faithfulness and effort in small things, struck me as I read them today. They speak to me as I far too often, in my personal and spiritual life [or what passes for a spiritual life] try and tackle the big things [in work and study I tend not to...], where I of course fail as I am not able to even handle the little things. I found Saint John Maximovitch's words a comfort moreso than a challenge, though implementing them will be a challenge; but to hear I can start small, as I'm sure I've read/heard before but promptly forgotten, was a blessing. I am going to print the article out and place them in a book or document online where I can store such treasures, and find them again; I all-too-often read something I love, but cannot find it again when I need to hear it again.
Laura's post about a tough week and not being "superwoman" resonated with me; I far too-easily buy into idealised representations of what life "should be"; rather immature that way [among others]. A good, and extremely well-written as all her posts are, reminder also to be thankful for what I do have.
On writing well, I point you to John's fine post on some recent travels of his. To me it is a crime his words aren't published, for his travelogues [as well as his other blogs] simply take me away on a journey of discovery around the US or wherever he happens to be. It was John who pointed me to the Georgian Tour I took last year after reading of his experience on the tour.
Yudhie's posts are always a joyful expression of the Love and Mercy of God, and this one in particular, with Yudhie's prayer for the laying aside of "my own excessive cares and thoughts and to stand before [God] in reverence and to encounter others with love, patience and kindness which comes from [God]" touched and wounded me particularly as I have noticed a self-centredness increasing within me of late; through the mercy of God I pray for a view that looks to others as well as looking to my own needs.
Finally, for now, Deb's post of Internet usage and her concern as to "what all this constant chatter is doing to my soul" also touched and wounded me; I have wondered of late if it is time to retire this blog....the emphasis on my mental health issues is something I need at this time, but I wonder if this level of involvement is a bit much. As well as the fact I find I am using the Internet as a means of escape, which it never is: it only delays the facing of issues and, for me, often results in their intensity increasing. We shall see.
Odd saying this after the last paragraph perhaps, but I am very blessed by what I read; not just those mentioned above, they are ones which have particularly remained with me after I read them, but all the blogs and articles I read. I am thankful for all those I have got to know via blogs and such; it proves to me that although there is much unedifying on the Internet, there is much that brings blessing, joy, hope and peace as well. As well as the occasional kick up the backside to get moving on something or to consider how I am behaving or acting via blogs or comments. Thanks be to God.
I know I am yet to respond to the greatly-valued and appreciated comments made on some of my posts, the "Busy-ness" [Overtime] and "Social Weekend Ahead" ones in particular; please know it is just as I am still sorting out things in my head. I do greatly value the time given for the comments as well as the comments themselves. I hope to get to them early next week; as well as boring you with some more endless photos of Tasmania.
If I can end on a prayer note, I'm dreading, and I mean dreading, going back to work tomorrow. I am considering asking if I can work in the morning from home; I need to be there in the afternoon as a Big Important Meeting is happening and I may be needed. I'll see how I feel when I wake up tomorrow. Friday evening, a few hours after I posted the Social Weekend Ahead blog, I fell apart at work [perhaps a sign that blogging at work, even if I feel I need to express my thoughts to make sense of them, may not be a good idea]. A combination of a few things, my own expectations probably leading the charge [I am my own worst enemy], but even knowing that does not make it easier. With this week promising to be an intense one [thank God I am seeing my psychologist Tuesday], and with me needing to attend to some matters and sort out how to resolve certain circumstances, as you are able, I would greatly value your prayers.