Categories: orthodox-life, parish-life, feast-days, spiritual-journey, holy-week, great-lent
Date: 06 April 2010 10:14:51
Christ is Risen! Still attempting to sort out all the experiences of Holy Week and Pascha in my head. While this year appeared to have more struggles -- mental, emotional, ... -- the grace of God seemed all the more real; not that one should rely on feelings in the spiritual sphere, but there was a definite sense of peace among it all. As Japes wrote, and while the experience is different as I am not involved in ministries, "immers[ing] myself in the whole week in a totally different way, and let the whole thing permeate my being ... [is] a very different experience." I made an effort to attend as many services as I could during Holy Week; the Bridegroom Services on Monday and Tuesday evening; [most of - arrived late and left early as I'd been up since 3am that day and was getting tired and had a 35 minute drive back home...] the Great and Holy Friday 12 Passion Gospels service Thursday evening, with the Royal Hours and Vespers with the Taking Down of Christ from the Cross on Friday; the Great and Holy Saturday services of the Lamentations Friday evening and the Divine Liturgy Saturday morning; and the glorious Great and Holy Pascha Services [Midnight Office [though ours started at 20:00], Matins and Divine Liturgy] and the Agape Vespers service Sunday evening. Those, together with the services I attended as I could of Great Compline, the Great Canon of St Andrew and the Akathist to the Theotokos during Great Lent, all seemed to combine to make the journey to, and celebration of, Pascha that more special and that more joyful. Though not getting anywhere near the prescribed fasting rules, I did what I could, and made special efforts as I could, and it may be that is part of it too. The encouragement and support I received here helped me through the journey to Pascha and I thank you all. The understanding and comfort I received from friends and colleagues also showed me love in a practical way also. And add to all that the fact I had some rather wonderful conversations with a parishioner, a friend, new to Orthodoxy on the services as well as my current struggles, and me listening to hers, and God was gracious indeed in all He provided and lavished upon me during Great Lent and Pascha. I am still working it all out in my head. So much to say, yet words are not forthcoming -- well, they are in a literal sense, as this overlong post shows :D -- to describe my experience of Great Lent and Pascha 2010 -- it was a truly blessed Great Lent and Pascha this year. Despite the fact I felt I was not getting anywhere, or even feeling I was headed backwards; despite the fact I missed services or left early when it got too much [or when I was tired]; despite the fact prayer and spiritual reading seemed like an intense effort with very little desire...despite those, or perhaps because of them, for they did help shape my view of my Lenten journey, I arrived at Pascha full of joy and hope: tired also, I was so drained [Orthodoxy is not known for its short services! ;)], but the inner joy and inner hope seemed to shine brightly. Thanks and praise be to God. DebD, in another place, responded to a comment of mine that 'I am going to feel a bit lost this week with no mid-week services to go to' with '...we talk about "church withdraw" at our parish. We actually get a little lonesome for each other.' There is that sense of missing seeing those whom I have seen so regularly, as well as having my days set by the Church's services: and the comfort and sense of peace they bring to the soul and body. While I pray I am realistic in realising it could be a bit too much 365 days a year [though perhaps not...who knows?], there is a feeling of some form of being "lost". Among the joy and hope of Pascha which is still with me, there is a sense that throughout Great Lent and Holy Week and Pascha that I was where I was created to be, and, as much as I love and enjoy the life I have, for all that God has given us is Good, it does seem that little bit less fulfilling. I expect this feeling to go soon, as my usual life takes over and I sadly forget the call to consider Christ in all I do, but I do pray I hold on to, in whatever small way, the remembrance that, as St Augustine wrote so wisely, "our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You." Thanks and praise be to God.