Treating a Finger Infection: A Layman's Attempt

Categories: life

Date: 20 April 2007 12:27:21

In the spirit of the wondrous Neil chooses a mince pie, Neil chooses an Easter Egg and Dreamer's Making of Instant Custard, here is my own, though non-edible -- and perhaps gross -- offering:

Waking up to a purple, throbbing and very sore finger is not the ideal Friday morning. What is an ignorant non-medical person to do?

Step 1: see your local pharmacist for necessary supplies. Kindly pharmacist will lead you through the steps to take, twice in my case, to ensure you get it right.

Step 2: open Magnoplasm and be amazed at its smell and texture.

Step 3: choose a pad to wrap around finger. This one looks too big for my left index finger.

Step 3 continued: the one on the left looks suitable.

Step 4: get applicator: or, realise, like I did, you don't have one, and think, 'Will a paddle-pop stick do? Let me check the freezer.' None to be found in the freezer today: given it was 8am this was probably a good thing.

Step 4 continued: a cotton bud is not strong enough for the might of Magnoplasm.

Step 4 continued: a spoon seems like it may do the job.
[and yes, they are my curtains: do not judge]

Step 5: lay pad and tape on table, ready for use.

Step 6: apply Magnoplasm to pad, as evenly as possible: or, as I did, splat a bit everywhere.

Step 7: wrap pad around affected finger.

Step 8: apply tape to pad to secure. [fear not: I'm not planning on entering any medical profession anytime soon!]
And you're ready to face the world...

...at least you would be had you remembered to shower before applying the pad: oh well, wrapping my hand in a plastic bag will have to do.

(and remember to clean, disinfect even, the spoon)