Categories: anxiety, self-esteem, relationships
Date: 22 January 2010 03:28:37
Went to lunch with two colleagues from our other office.
Broke into tears before-hand with anxiety and feelings of inferiority: spoke to a most wondrous colleague, friend, here and made a determination to go.
Almost turned around on the way there. But didn't.
Stayed for as long as they did; mainly listening and answering as I was asked.
Came back to the office, relieved. But more tears. Same wondrous colleague came and listened and talked.
The feelings of inferiority, of not being worthy, particularly when it comes to people I greatly admire, or men in general [given previous experiences of male friends] are damn hard to shift. They are the main reason for the tears today: I simply do not feel good enough or worthy enough. But I am well aware, given I've carried these feelings, albeit subconsciously, for many years, that the only way to change it is to keep having experiences where I am with people who want my company, even if I cannot see a reason why they do. And, I pray and by the Grace of God, in time these positive experiences will replace the negatives, and my thinking, my beliefs about myself, can also change.