Learning...

Date: 27 September 2009 05:29:25

A reasonably tough weekend: English Conversation Class went well and I sat through a movie as part of the Italian Film Festival, Many Kisses Later, that, while rather enjoyable, passed me by a lot as I was consumed, and I use that word intentionally, with anxiety -- about everything and anything. It was a good movie though: exploring broken relationships, struggling relationships, rekindled relationships... And exceptionally funny: many laugh-out-loud moments. But my mind was elsewhere... The same as when my nieces came over: I played a little, but my mind was elsewhere. The sufferings of the mind, and body, are blasted and annoying things: robbing us of precious and enjoyable moments -- at least I find they do, due to my weaknesses in fighting them.

Though amid the struggles God is gracious. Through the parish Bible Study last night, and my reading of chapters on struggling in prayer and holdng fast to the way of Christ in In His Life is Mine at a café this morning [didn't go to church today: we had a visiting missionary [PDF -- fascinating life] I was keen to hear from but did not feel in the mood for socialising or seeing many people], I was reminded that Christ has conquered, and hope is to be found in Him. As well as being reminded that life is a struggle: a big struggle at times; and there are, and will be, times of darkness. Comforting words in times of struggle...and I am by no means turning cartwheels now: I know the process takes time. And my anxiety remains, though somewhat reduced at the moment. But it was good to be reminded of this and to draw some measure of comfort from it. As well as some direction and focus. By the Grace of God, step by step, I can learn to rest in and turn to Him, and to make the appropriate decisions at my end to work towards more and more reflecting a life in Christ. For while salvation is the gift of God, a response is needed, as God does not force us or override our free will as Archimandrite Sophrony wisely writes in His Life is Mine:

By Divine Power life may be restored in all its plenitude -- not, however, by unilateral intervention on God's part but always and only accord in with us. God does nothing with man without man's co-operation.

p. 72, ch. 9 'Concerning Repentance and Spiritual Warfare', 2001 printing

Leaving aside for another day the great glory and honour of God allowing, requiring even, that we contribute to our sanctification in Christ, a reminder that I need to make decisions at times to turn from the wrong path to the straight and narrow one -- the path that is, in Archimandrite Sophrony's words, "...thorny and sorrowful. We shall heave many a sigh as we go along..." [p. 65] But this is the path of salvation, and through the Grace and Love of God it may be travelled.

May God have mercy and strengthen me. I humbly ask for your prayers also.