Categories: stress, work, study
Date: 21 September 2009 22:35:58
By my thoughts.
Like fellow Wibloggers Japes and Tractor Girl I'm wishing I were in a simpler place. Of course, any complications are of my own making in my mind, but there is nothing I like better than a good moan and pondering in my mind of the disaster that is my life and what more could go wrong -- when, compared to most, my life is pretty smooth sailing.
I think a lot of it, oddly in some people's eyes, has to do with me not studying anything formally for a while [3 months being a while in my book]. I need to do be doing things. Work gives me no satisfaction, or rather I do not look for satisfaction in my work: it pays the bills, gives me some social interaction and keeps me off the streets -- I am not, to people's eternal bewilderment, not interested in a career or climbing the corporate ladder. I like coming and going, knowing I have done the best job I can: and prefer working alone and not being "seen" or "noticed". Thus study, whether it be languages, or music theory or history, or astronomy or anything else, gives me a sense of enjoyment as well as keeping the brain ticking.
Thoughts of a change at work have been prominent of late. I do not like what I am doing [I know...I should be thankful I have work: as above, I like to moan...] and I feel my role is increasingly becoming something I am not interested in: it may make sense for the job position, but it does not for me. And thus I stress and worry -- constantly. So I am wondering do I make a clean break? And do I risk a new job that is more to my liking but also potentially more stressful and that may send me over the edge mentally, or do I sit here and try my best in a role that is not challenging or what I want but generally calm on my emotions -- and with the great benefit of wonderful people I know and work well with? The latter usually wins out: and probably will again.
To test the study theory, I am looking at some formal theological study later this year or early next year. I enjoy learning about my faith and feel that not only may it help me in my spiritual journey, but may also give me some direction -- as well as, God willing, lessening the stresses and anxieties I have at work. Prayers appreciated; I know my life is pretty darn good: if only my mind and emotions could see it.
[edit: had a good discussion with a colleague; will sit down with my manager and see if I can withdraw from the management side my role has taken on, and stick to working behind the scenes...and answering questions when needed. We'll see how it goes...]