Categories: work, self-esteem, life
Date: 21 July 2009 12:13:05
Barely a week ago I wrote I was moving into a Masters of Business in Information Technology Management. Now: I am not sure.
As someone with a low view of himself, as well as no direction in work life [perhaps related?], when it was suggested to me I may do well in such a direction, I leapt on it. If only for some sense of security. But my heart is not really in it. I am not sure if that is just now or if it is deeper -- I suspect the latter.
I have been inspired by many here on the Wibsite, and the wider blogging world, who have taken a "leap of faith" and followed a dream. Also those I met, albeit briefly, on the tour [in fact if I think about it all of them in the tour group] who had followed their dreams and desires. I am wondering if there is a place in that world for me too. Is it wrong of me to think that I might be able to make a change, and follow a passion? Mine would not be a leap as much as a slow ramble: I'd [in my current thinking] stay at my job, which has wonderful people and is not too taxing on me, but perhaps study what I want to -- with a view to, perhaps, a change in life direction in a few years time. And, I suppose, if it falls apart [as did my ESL teaching several years back], I can always plough on with IT until I am stirred up again.
Can I give it a shot and see where I end up? Do I chase a dream, or stick to a known quantity that, while not my dream, is at least secure? And am I sounding high-and-mighty and offensive in that I am blessed I have these decisions to make: when I know many do not.
My life is my own is something I have discovered of late. I respect other people's opinions, but in a sense I cannot be led and make decisons by them. If I try and please them, I ignore myself: and end up frustrated generally. But is this selfish? Surely not: but these are new feelings for me -- I am still "testing" them.
Any thoughts appreciated. And if you feel like sharing your experiences, please do so: I'd be honoured and humbled -- and blessed and encouraged to read them.