Date: 07 October 2007 07:48:04
I got a call at 20:20 yesterday: "Where are you?", said a friend. "A friend's place." was my reply. "Weren't you coming to my birthday dinner?"
Oops.
I truly have no recollection of the invite or the acceptance. I think I need some memory pills.
I got in the car and drove to the city [~30/35 minutes], getting there just as they were getting their mains. Very apologetic also ["I'll think of how you can make it up to me." said friend. :)]. As I'd already eaten, I only had dessert -- a lovely Blackforest Cake [or Schwarzwälderkirschtorte as Kerensa may say] -- which is my favourite. Mmm. And a very pleasant evening.
The friend's place I was at was my dear friend who moved to the US's place -- well, his dad's place. It is wonderful to see him again after several years; and I'm looking forward to visiting him for a few days in early November before I reach England's green and pleasant land. He had various relatives and friends over yesterday, and the food flowed freely -- as it tends to in Middle Eastern households [he is Assyrian]. As well as his and his family, it was also great to catch up with a number of people I hadn't seen for quite some time -- either from uni [where I met him] or friends of his from school whom I had also met. There was some nervousness: my fear, panic even, of large crowds came up, as well as some nervousness in seeing people from uni -- well, one in particular.
Uni was a stressful time, though also an enjoyable one as I did meet a few good friends. The stress came not from the study, well not entirely, but more through friendships and relationships. Let us just say I had no idea about friendships [how to form them; how to act in them; how to keep them...], and I made a right balls-up of many: though I had long-suffering friends who wouldn't let me go, and whom I am thankful for. But that may be for my next blog: I'm considering a cathartic exercise, to hopefully aid me in getting over these demons, but there is a bit to say, and a bit to reveal: I am not sure I am ready.
I will say that God, as always, was very gracious through these people -- two in particular: my friend who now lives in the US and another fellow. But I continually dwell on my behaviour and seeing the other fellow in particular brings it all back. So when I saw him yesterday, panic set in. And rose. And rose some more. Thankfully, I had to duck out for 45 minutes which enabled me to calm myself. When I returned, I, after some time, sat beside him and talked for a while. Once we got going it was alright: but I still play my actions over and over again. Especially when I left. May God forgive me, and help me to move on. Sorry for being rather cryptic [perhaps your minds are racing thinking, "Just what did Ian do?"], but as I said above it is rather long, and would involve various revelations, that may be best left to another day.