Categories: depression, self-esteem
Date: 26 March 2009 05:47:43
truthsign wrote a post here which sums up my experiences with depression: and particularly with emerging from its dark, foggy grip:
...there is no way to make it happen, all you can do is wait. And when it happens, there is no way of knowing how long it will last, before the clouds come over again.
I am waiting. Thanks be to God this is not as bad as I have experienced [no mental ward for me this time], but it is draining. And so frustrating. I have things to do. Things I want to do. Yet my body...my brain...even my heart...says no.
I'm not lonely. At least I do not think so. I do long for a "special connection" at times; though I imagine a though most people have at some point in their lives. I'm placing those around me on pedestals again...something approaching need, rather than love. I feel the need to be around them; to have them notice me; to have them give some sign of my existence constantly. Or else I am nothing. And do not exist. Rather self-indulgent and pathetic, to be honest: and, worse, very self-centred. But I cannot help it. These thoughts come...and they are so insidious. My brain, and heart, agrees before I can even question the veracity and reasonable-ness of the thoughts.
Thought. Accept. Though. Accept. A constant, and vicious, cycle.
And one I pray to God, that through His Mercy and His Grace, I can overcome.