Categories: anxiety, stress, parish-life
Date: 11 February 2008 09:27:01
No, not with a trench-coat!
:)
Our new priest wants to have coffee and get to know me. I've been avoiding it...simply because I am rather tired of revealing myself.
Our new priest [and thanks be to God for him and his wife, as they are a blessing to our parish] is the third priest we have had in as many years. I did not have a close relationship with the first priest of our parish; I do, however, believe I had a very good relationship with our parish priest from last year and the sub-deacon we had in the parish towards the end of our first priest's time at our parish. In all cases -- the first priest because he was accepting me into the Orthodox Church; and the second and the sub-deacon because I felt comfortable with them -- I did reveal quite a lot about myself; my thoughts, my beliefs, my struggles...and my day-to-day life and aspirations [not grand ones of corporate takeovers: merely wanting to make a difference somewhere somehow]. And the fact that these people have left the parish, and in the two cases of those I felt close to, left the state, I am finding it rather daunting to have to go through the process again.
Not that I, at least I do not think I am, am some mass of secrets à la Pandora's Box that would wreak untold destruction should I reveal them, but we all have secrets we choose to reveal to only a limited number of people. Some of mine are probably known without me having to actually tell people. However I do find it draining to so give of one's self...for that is how I see it...and then having to do it again and again. Not that it is a chore, except emotionally: in Orthodoxy the priest is responsible for his parishioners, and for guiding and directing them ever more and more towards the image and likeness of Christ. And Confession is part of this: and Confession does require openness.
It is not that I feel he will be running away at the end of the year: at least I do not think it is. Perhaps he will move on. I simply find it emotionally exhausting to reveal a great deal about me, again and again. And there are some aspects of myself that I do not know how they will be accepted: I have been urged to be careful by others. I suppose it is always a gamble. I do believe our current priest will react in a sympathetic way and won't condemn with words of anger, but it is hard all the same. And for the fourth time in as many years, to spell out one's innermost thoughts to another, and one I do not know well, is rather daunting. Prayers appreciated.