Categories: bible
Date: 28 February 2008 00:13:16
A verse that keeps coming back to my thoughts. Because it is so true. it is so easy, too easy, to fall back into bad habits and bad actions; and the moment they are done a sense of guilt, shame, anger even, overtakes me. "Why can't I even do a little good?"
The words of Job 30:16-18 [which I read recently] spoke to me:
And now my soul is poured out within me;I continue to echo Job: "I cry to you for help and you do not answer me; I stand, and you only look at me." [Job 30:20, ESV] I feel as if God "toss[es] me about in the roar of the storm" [Job 30:22b, ESV]. And I do not understand why I am so fed up with everything. I haven't been to church in 3 weeks, and to be honest I could not care less. Life plods on, seemingly ever dull and without purpose.
days of affliction have taken hold of me.
The night racks my bones,
and the pain that gnaws me takes no rest.
With great force my garment is disfigured;
it binds me about like the collar of my tunic.(English Standard Version)
Yet, like Job, I pray I do still call out to God, for where else have I to go? I do, I believe, trust in God and His Goodness -- but simple thing I am I feel lost, and am not sure where I am to go. I know, somewhere deep down, that I do have a purpose in being placed on this earth: but at times of frustration and despair, and any inability to seemingly perform any good, I do wonder.
Lord, have mercy.