Romans 7:19

Categories: bible

Date: 28 February 2008 00:13:16

A verse that keeps coming back to my thoughts. Because it is so true. it is so easy, too easy, to fall back into bad habits and bad actions; and the moment they are done a sense of guilt, shame, anger even, overtakes me. "Why can't I even do a little good?"

The words of Job 30:16-18 [which I read recently] spoke to me:

And now my soul is poured out within me;
    days of affliction have taken hold of me.
The night racks my bones,
    and the pain that gnaws me takes no rest.
With great force my garment is disfigured;
    it binds me about like the collar of my tunic.

(English Standard Version)

I continue to echo Job: "I cry to you for help and you do not answer me; I stand, and you only look at me." [Job 30:20, ESV] I feel as if God "toss[es] me about in the roar of the storm" [Job 30:22b, ESV]. And I do not understand why I am so fed up with everything. I haven't been to church in 3 weeks, and to be honest I could not care less. Life plods on, seemingly ever dull and without purpose.

Yet, like Job, I pray I do still call out to God, for where else have I to go? I do, I believe, trust in God and His Goodness -- but simple thing I am I feel lost, and am not sure where I am to go. I know, somewhere deep down, that I do have a purpose in being placed on this earth: but at times of frustration and despair, and any inability to seemingly perform any good, I do wonder.

Lord, have mercy.