Categories: orthodox-life, monasticism
Date: 30 November 2008 04:15:29
Initial ramblings here. Thank to all for your kind comments and the wisdom of your experience. Jennifer's [hello, and welcome!] comments on her finding herself pregnant [probably unlikely for me :) ] echo what a friend told me yesterday as he drove me to Brisbane airport -- look into it, and doors may open or doors may close. It seems to make sense to me. As Smudgie and Kerensa wrote it has huge challenges and sacrifices, and cannot be entered into lightly. As Jack the Lass wrote, I do hope to have a bit of time, away from the day-to-day, to ponder this while away. Sadly, I do struggle with laziness. I suppose this is why I am so eager [desperate?] to find a spiritual advisor. I need direction. And I need a good kick-up-the-backside at times too. I have thought of this, or that, or the other -- but I do not act. May the Lord, help me. After reading all of your comments, and thinking and praying some more, I believe the deeper issue may be my not being sure what I am called to in life and who exactly I am. Am I an IT person? Am I a single man? Am I an anxious depressive? Am I a poor example of an Orthodox Christian? What am I? Who am I? And what am I called to? I am sure we all have these thoughts -- for some reason I may dwell on them longer and deeper. So I do believe this is at the heart of the matter. I do not want to define myself as "someone in IT" or "that single man" or "that anxious fellow who slips into depression"? They are all part of me, and parts I will not shy away from, but I am, and we all are, more than labels. We are each an individual and a unique child of God -- no-one has been exactly like us and no-one will be exactly like us in the future. We all have a unique role to play in the history of Creation, and thus I think we are far more than mere labels can do justice to. But I still want to know. Am I someone who will work in a 9-5 job and, when he gets of his backside, spread the Good News in word and action in and out of work? Am I someone called to work in, or for, the Church? Am I someone who can help others in need, or am I too comfortable in my middle-class existence with regular holidays, here and overseas, to understand what it is like for those in need? Can I reach out to others? Can I reach within myself? Questions. Ramblings perhaps. But the current thoughts of my mind.