Tears

Date: 14 November 2008 11:08:13

The gift of tears is a doctrine prevalent in Orthodoxy; I cannot say exactly what it is, for I am still on the road of knowledge of Orthodox belief and practice, but from what I understand it is a gift given to those to weep over sins: their own as much as for others. This is also paradoxically described as a "joyful sorrow"; which reminds me of a term Orthodox use for Great Lent: "bright sadness". There is sorrow, there is sadness; but the victory of Christ and the love of God do shine through.

Many ascetical writers refer to this gift, or at least the tears that accompany repentance. St John Climacus refers to tears often in his The Ladder of Divine Ascent; here are a few quotes:

"The Fathers have declared the singing of psalms to be a weapon, prayer to be a wall, and honest tears to be a bath." [Step 4: On Obedience (p. 93)]

"The tears that come after baptism are greater than baptism itself, though it may seem rash to say so. Baptism washes off those evils that were previously within is, whereas the sins committed after baptism are washed away by tears. The baptism received by us as children we have all defiled, but we cleanse it anew with our tears." [Step 7: On Mourning (p. 137)]

"Regarding our tears, as in everything else about us, the good and just Judge will certainly make allowances for our natural attributes. I have seen small teardrops shed like drops of blood, and I have seen floods of tears poured out with no trouble at all. So I judge toilers by their struggles, rather than their tears; and I suspect that God does too." [Step 7: On Mourning (p. 138)]

[The Ladder of Divine Ascent (Classics of Western Spirituality), tr. Luibheid and Russell, 1982, Paulist Press]

St Ignatius Brianchaninov in his The Arena: An Offering to Contemporary Monasticism also makes mention of tears and mourning, quoting many Fathers and Saints; in one part he states "The greatest of the holy Fathers admitted that repentance was their sole occupation." (The Arean, tr. Archimandrite Lazarus, p. 234, 1997, Holy Trinity Monastery) Some sayings of the Desert Fathers that have come down to us make mention of tears also. While their writing is primarily for ascetics -- though I would say applicable to all, with advice and counsel from one's spiritual director -- I find it does speak to me. I do find the ascetic life does calls to me and with my situation in life I feel I am called to such a life -- whether in a monastery or 'in the world' I am still working through. And while the Saints and theologians may speak of such a gift in exalted terms, pride of your own mourning or believing others less than yourself if you do not see them mourn is condemned in equally strong terms.

I in no way would presume to say I have the gift of tears; I pray to God to save me from such presumption and self-delusion. However, yesterday, I did feel as if I had been given an insight into my sins and failings that I can only describe as a particular gift, or grace, from God. As with many things in which God works, the timing was not perhaps perfect humanly speaking: I was sitting at my desk at work. I was not contemplating overly...a series of events caused me to ponder myself and my actions. And the stress I am currently feeling probably assisted. Add to this the fact that I am one of those St John Climacus mentioned when he wrote, "I have seen floods of tears poured out with no trouble at all." I start and cannot stop. But thanks be to God for the love, compassion and non-judgemental attitude of my work colleagues; I am blessed.

This insight, while perhaps seemingly harsh with a focus on sins and my unworthiness, is not an exercise in self-flagellation or similar; a proper view of my life and actions, and particularly how others around me are impacted by these, is at the heart of the Orthodox life. And while it may lead to a "joyful sorrow", it should not lead to despair -- but to a resolve to more and more live a life in the image of Christ.

May the Lord have mercy on me and save me.