Categories: orthodox-life
Date: 29 September 2004 06:53:55
I was speaking to a friend over lunch about my decision to commit to Orthodoxy, and another thing became clear.
A very wise woman (who makes a mean tiramisu and will be heading up north next year as a theological student) once told me several years ago that one day I would be sure of my beliefs and would not feel a need to constantly defend the expression of my faith. Well, two years later and I may be there.
Climbing the candle from an evangelical to a somewhat High Anglican I had a great amount of "testing of my beliefs" to do. Being a genuinely insecure person anyway, this became more pronounced when I was told by many people that my leaving a "low church" meant I was on the Highway to Hell. This fed my insecurities and made me become all the more defensive. I couldn't let any comment slip by that might be hinting that I was "backsliding". This only led to more frustration, and more distress. My insecurities grew and grew.
Waking this morning, my insecurities haven't gone away completely -- but I feel far less insecure. I don't feel like it is me fighting for my beliefs contra munda, or at least contra 'those who feel I am "backsliding"' (it did feel like I was against the world at times -- I'm nothing if not over-dramatic).
Today has been a very therapeutic day for me. And a great blessing. Thanks be to God.