Categories: uncategorized
Date: 01 July 2005 13:51:27
Another wonderful dinner after a rather busy day at work. It is the first day of the financial year here in Oz, and while my job [IT Assistant to the Manager -- basically someone who runs reports for him (and everyone else who wants one!)] doesn't directly involve financial reporting, those whose jobs do wanted plenty of things done!
I'm not one to go out with work colleagues. I've always liked to keep some form of distance between work and pleasure, and, while I have, and have had, very good colleagues in all my jobs, I always maintained a distance outside of work hours. I think this has a lot to do with the low self-esteem I have: I've never felt particularly comfortable, or "worthy" [as odd as the use of that term may sound], and I've always made other plans, or excuses, to avoid most work socials.
But, in-line with some chats I've had with my doctor and other healthcare professionals as a result of the latest depression episode, I'm trying to make some changes. I am blessed to have great colleagues and a great job that I enjoy. I took this job because it enabled me to work part-time while studying, and while the money I'm getting is lower than what I did as a developer / database administrator, I can still live quite contentedly on it -- and job enjoyment and satisfaction is far more important to me than the money. I do wish at times that I had a bit more money, but the stress I was under in my last high-paid job was not worth it. I'd much rather go to a job where I get less, but where I not only have interesting work and wonderful colleagues, but also somewhere where I am valued. I know I'm quite blessed to have this.
I prefer small organisations. Several years back when a small company I worked for was merged with a larger company, I suddenly felt less of an individual and more of a number. The "community" atmosphere of work was gone. I am glad I have re-discovered it at this job. I do like to get to know and chat with people: strange that while I can do that in an office situation, I struggle outside of it. Strange that while I have fears I go to meets with people from the Wibsite or internet bulletin boards -- a man of contradictions! But a similar thing happens at Church -- I'll socialise there, but hide from social events outside church. As I wrote, I'm trying to change this -- and I'm going to a barbeque tomorrow at a parishioner's house. It may not seem like much, but to me it is a rather big step.
Just under twenty of us went tonight, and we all had a great time. I had a great time: once I got there and the worrying stopped! I'm not sure what I was exactly worried about: I often worry before going out with friends. Perhaps it's related to bad experiences with people in High School, I don't know; probably best not to over-analyse these things. Anyway, great food, great people, great conversations and a great time. Thanks be to God.