Categories: uncategorized
Date: 19 January 2006 13:11:28
To be spiritual for a bit ive really felt that God has been teaching me loads lately. Although i am generally quite loud i also have a shy side and can be insecure. I know this isnt a unique trate and most people feel exactly the same at some time or another. I have this tendency to care too much what people think and when i feel a bit intimidated i always think im coming across as really silly or dozy. Over the years this has really bugged me and ive felt that God has decided to bring it to ahead so it can be dealt with. Also as with anyone there have been friends over the years that have said the wrong thing or been mean. With my insecurity ive held on to this for a long time. A few years ago i brought this christian book called surviving friendly fire. I finally got round to reading it at the start of the year and it is a wonderful book. It really got me thinking and also brought to light times when i havnt been a brilliant friend also. (i wasnt naive in thinking id never done this btw).
I also realised that there are times that i havnt got involved in something or got really close to someone as im scared of getting rejected and not invited to things. So if i dont see that person very often and dont get included in something i can use my protection technique of "well i dont see them very often, so its not too bad"etc.
Ive realised that ive got to take risks and not be bothered about what other people are doing. Instead of getting jealous about how many people some friends know, i need to enjoy the friendships that i have. God really has blessed me with some wonderful friends and i need to nuture them. Make sure that i ring them and keep in touch better. I shouldnt always expect them to make the first moves. Also ive realised that all friendships have a time life to them. Some people you naturally only have in your life for a short time and others you have for a life time and its having the wisdom of which ones not to chase and which ones that need reviving.
The book i was reading was also talking alot about forgiveness and how we should forgive others before God can forgive us. Its saying you forgive so you yourself can be released from the burdon of how it makes you feel and not because the person deserves it. because to be honest as humans we can be pretty shitty and dont always deserve it.
On sunday at church the whole sermon really touched me and i struggled a bit when they said that God forgives us for what we have done and that the past is the past. They were saying that the devil can keep bringing past hurts into our minds to stop us from gaining freedom from them. I remember saying to God that there are some things i will stuggle with but still want him to forgive me. I really felt him say that he does forgive me and the things in my life i struggle with he is there to help me with and not to worry.
Now even though i experienced that, it still all sounds really wierd so i hope that its not sounding really loopy.
I really feel that ive had such a breakthough and im not saying im never going to feel hurt again or get jealous, but i know that God is really close to help me though it all.
Since that morning things just feel really good and my change of mindset has really helped how ive viewed some people and how then in turn i see how they treat me.
God really is good and its so true he meets you where you are at that point in time. which is FAB.
holly xxx