Categories: uncategorized
Date: 24 July 2004 21:22:24
Ive been reading through my wiblog. Its always good to look back on your life to see how things have changed.
Ive been writing this blog for about 18months or so and its amazing how things have changed.
At present i am probably at the happiest i have ever been, but... ( you knew there had to be a but ) there are some areas of my life that arnt that great. My spiritual life as changed so much in the last few years. I always thought that church would be the main thing in my life. Due to work i dont get to be there as much as i would like and i havnt really felt part of my church family for ages. I used to be involved in so much stuff. Now im fortunate if i get to housegroup. Its took me a while to realise that its not God that im moving away from, but its the making sure that what im believing is what God wants me to believe. I hope that makes sense. I always wondered what people were on about when they said they have a hunger for God, but it actually makes sense to me now. I miss having a church and God as the focal point for my life. I miss the daft stuff, like churchy humour and singing in the worship team or, i dont know just feeling like im living my life as a christian. Because im not at church loads and my bible knowledge is rubbish. I tend to feel like a fraud when i do pray or i worry that people at church thinking that ive turned away from God.
I remember chatting with a couple of friends once. One is a Christian and the other isnt. My non Christian friend asked us both why we went to church. My christian friend said that she went to church to praise God. I then said that i went to church to praise God but a bit part of it was to socialize with friends. She was horrified. I then explained that i believe that a big part of church is there as a support system to meet up with fellow Christians, to praise God with others around you, to share and pray with eachother. To sit together and have a laugh and to enjoy eachothers company. To learn more about God in teaching and sharing with eachother. I said that i believe that if you only go to church to talk to God on a sunday then you are missing out on something mega. Each day we should be talking to God and praising him. Whether we are at church or not. When we meet up on a sunday its also a time of fellowship. Ive just read that back and im sure it comes across as really pompus and i truly dont mean it to. I still have my relationship with God on a daily basis, but i know that ive also struggled this last couple of years as i havnt had the fellowship with other christians and i really miss not being actively involved in my church. It doesnt matter how strong a Christian we are. If we are never around other Christians then it makes it so hard, as you dont have anyone to be accountable to.
Its bizarre though as its usually my non Christian friends who pick me up on stuff that i really shouldnt be doing. As much as they dont believe in God themselves, its as if they dont want to see me slip up and fall away from God.
This week ive been at JTs for a couple of days. He has been leading 7am prayers and also one lot of 7pm prayers. It was so nice to be at church and i really felt God was speaking to me during my times there. This prob sounds a bit wierd but bare with me please.
As you all know i mention quite a bit about starting various diets and generally struggling with my weight. I always seem to lapse as i love my food. One area i seem to keep well under trim is my spiritual life. Yes i feel close to God but i as ive mentioned above its not as i would like it to be. Its so easy to get out of the habit of reading my bible or making the effort after ive done a 8 hour shift to go to church. If it was to travel to see a friend i would go. I felt God was saying to me that i excell in spiritual dieting. Im my church life i am a size 10.
He basically has said its about time i got Spiritually fat. ( stop laughing ) I dont mean i should get all flabby and lazy but that i should have such a hunger for him that i just want more and more of him that i feel full in his presence.
It was also lovely as both me and JT really felt that God needs to be in the centre of our relationship to help it grow and mature into what he wants it to be. We are going to start praying together which i think is fab and it will be so lovely.
Anyway i think thats all for now, I hope you are still awake after such a long post.
holly xxx