Categories: uncategorized
Date: 15 December 2004 15:47:17
Until i reach the big 30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have phases on when i feel old and when i still feel young. Im not saying that 30 is old as it really isnt, but i think it comes down to perspectives on life. On the whole i love the age im at now and have felt comfortable with it for the last few years. I like the fact that i dont have to wear the latest fashions or that i can get away with not knowing the top 10 in the music charts anymore. I know they are daft examples but its really liberating.
There are some occasions however when i feel like im still a lot younger than i actually am. I remember at about 16 looking at the people in church who were in their late 20s and thinking they were really grown up and mature. Now im coming 30, i just cant see myself being seen by the younger generation like that, they probably do, but i dont always feel grown up, I still get insecure sometimes and still care too much what people think of me, i still make fashion mistakes and i still dont no how to use eyeliner.
I sound like im contradicting myself and i dont mean to, i think this age, although liberating it is also confusing for all those reasons above. Maybe we never totally feel the age we are and that everyone goes through the feeling of not quite growing up however we are percieved by the people around us. I had to laugh last year when someone younger said that i always seem to know what im doing in situations and that i have a sophisticated aproach to life. ha ha ha ha. If only they knew.
The opposite of that is when someone said to me once, that me and said person were so different that he could imagine that he would be sitting at the table with his partner reading something like the financial times and i would be sitting there with my partner slobbing on the sofa reading OK magazine. Two things went through my mind at that time. One was that i thought what an absolute PRAT and the second was that i was so completly insulted. Not that there is anything wrong with slobbing on the sofa reading OK magazine, but that it was seen as an insult that they are really clever and sophisticated and im just some thicko who doesnt have a braincell and spends my life doing nothing but being a couch potato. It took me a few months to get over that statement but now i only have one thought and that is my origional first one........ PRAT!!!!! lol
These are some of my for want of a better word.... Confussions. Please feel free to add your own in the comments boxes.
I have BBC Good homes magazine every month, but last year i still brought a teenage magazine as i really liked the free bag.
I have smart healed shoes but cant walk in them. i do now own smart flat shoes now though, so thats good.
I enjoy nice meals out but my favourite puddings are trifle and angle delight with chocolate biscuits crushed on the top.
Most of my clothes are sensible but i do own pink shoes and a multicoloured woolly hat.
People say that im really confident and good at meeting new people, but inside im scared incase they think im really silly and i always worry incase i say the wrong thing.
I enjoy walking around and apreciating beautiful buildings with JT but also get excited when i look through household catalogues and find a new plastic gadget which i didnt think i could live without.
I have sang infront of hundreds of people but if someone asked me to do the overhead projector at church id refuse as its far too scary.
When i first started my old job this one girl thought i was posh but talked common so that i would fit in..... She soon learnt that wasnt the case.
The above statements arnt really meant to be seen as signs of being grown up but its bizarre how folks see one thing, but really we are feeling something completely different.
holly xxx