Categories: uncategorized
Date: 26 March 2006 18:43:53
But only cos there is nothing else left in the cupboard. Actually, it all went better than I expected - so Mr Fishsoup, I am so sorry for whinging at you on the way up there.
Although it did strike me, all the way through the weekend, that Christian evangelical 'culture' is an odd thing. The conference centre was a bit like the Big Brother house, in that there were speakers in the ceiling of our rooms so the voice of "big brother" (or the pastor) could appear at any time. They played inspirational Christian music before it was time to eat. We wondered, if we stayed there long enough, whether we would drool like Pavlov's dogs when we heard a syrupy version of How Great Thou Art.
So far, so entirely acceptable - as long as you've been to a church for a good few years, otherwise you would be a bit bemused. The free time was good. The talks started well, but got less relevant to me personally as they went on (possibly they were more aimed at people who had been in the church for longer and were still smarting over the split we had a couple of years back).
And once again I renewed my discomfort at "times of worship". Anyone who has read my blog for a while will know that a "time of worship" is cue for me to go into my most satirical/detached mode. Instead of communing with God, I spend a long time wondering whether I'm missing something because I am not a "wave my arms around" kind of girl.
Nor am I a "sing the same song five times" kind of girl. I make up weird harmonies for a laugh, and close my eyes only to try and minimise my tendency to stare at people who are doing proper worshippy type things. Then I get dizzy when I open them. Then I feel guilty and try and pray about the fact that I am not very good at worship, get distracted by the patterns on the carpet which look like a magic eye picture... and so the whole thing goes on. Repeat ad infinitum until I feel horribly guilty and any chance of grasping the true majesty of god has vanished.
Basically, give me a tealight and a couple of stones and I'll worship quite happily....I think I'm just a bit overly selfconscious for the other stuff.
I wondered what some of our friends would make of the man who came up and said "god is saying this" and then sang two verses of Sting's Fields of Gold into the microphone. I was beginning to feel like i was in an evangelical episode of The Office - but that is my problem, not everyone elses's.
Chatting to people was fun, and the food was good (no wine, alas. Tractorgirl, had I seen your message earlier you might have found me knocking on your door begging for gin). We did get to the pub, spent some time in Herne Bay with a digital camera carrying out 'challenges' (picture of a policeman's helmet, a man in a dress, someone paddling, etc) which went well.
The thing that did make me a bit sad is that everyone I talked to said they felt like they were on the edges of the church, looking in. If we all feel like that, what's in the centre (apart from a big fat pile of low self-esteem?)