Arm waving

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 20 September 2004 12:35:13

I am not very good at this (at church, that is - if I was being rescued from a shipwreck I am sure I could oblige) . When everyone else is standing there with their arms raised high and an expression of ecstasy on their faces, I have my arms stubbornly folded,and am trying not to laugh at the "inspirational" background to the powerpoint lyrics presentation. Last night, the choruses we were singing had their words partly obscured by images of the sunset and trees. When the words got to the trees they faded into obscurity.
I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Everyone else always looks so blissed out when they are worshipping - and I just can't do it. Instead, I become intrigued by the angle at which people are holding their hands, or by the man behind me who is agreeing with everything the worship leader says by shouting "Yes, thank you Jesus". I wonder if he does that in normal life too? When the bus conductor says "that will be a pound please" does he shout "Yes, I agree with you, amen!" before handing over his fare?
I wonder if God minds that I'm not very good at being a charismatic? I think I'm slightly jealous of all these people who are so unselfconscious about worship. The most powerful times i've had with God have been on my own, and on my knees - not doing crazy dancing round the back of a local church hall. It would be no wonder if the rest of the congregation regarded me with deep suspicion, but instead they are unfailingly kind - but maybe they think I am some kind of spiritual cripple who needs to be helped to be free. And an even scarier thought is that maybe they're right?