Categories: uncategorized
Date: 23 April 2004 08:05:52
Sometimes thinking about my purpose in life can be depressing. My life means nothing in the big scheme of things, I have no special skills and do nothing that other people couldn't do. Meaning vs purpose - is there a difference? I read things that make my body turn inside out, I love reading beautiul words, and I love it more than anything for a few minutes until I wonder why I can't write like that. Then I hate myself.
Sometimes I wonder if I should feel guilty for indirectly helping the US army through work. I make models of tanks and guns and whatever else for a company that works for the US army doing simulations. I read about the atrocities that army commits and want to protest somewhere, do something, yet I just try really hard not to think about work.
And I just don't know about moving to the snow. It seems like such a selfish thing to so, but we don't do anything else anyway. At least we'll be wasting our lives in a new place. But that doesn't stop me from getting stressed about it, especially when we're so far into the whole process and we still haven't heard for sure if my parents can get the money we need. What will happen if we can't go? We'll lose all our money, and maybe our purpose as well. Hmmm.
Sometimes writing a weblog is a good way to think.