Categories: uncategorized
Date: 03 May 2004 23:12:56
A while ago I read "Daniel Martin" by John Fowles. It's a story of an englishman who was the son of a country priest and went to Oxford in the 20s to be educated in the classics. It is set later in his life, when he has become a scriptwriter in Hollywood, and deals with the conflict of living in a world where the peculiarly English trait of being reserved in all situations is in high contrast with the American attitude of wearing your heart on your sleeve.
Last night at cell group we were talking about being reserved, and it brought back a lot of the thoughts I had when I read "Daniel Martin".
I think my upbringing was more in the English vein than American. My family have always shown love and had loud fun in the backyward, but I was never really encouraged to share problems with others. A lot of that probably has to do with my own natural shyness as well as upbringing.
Elicia's family, on the other hand, is very expressive about everything. They are happy, loud, swearing, party-loving people who will tell anything to anyone even before they've begun to drink.
This difference in backgrounds is the source of almost all the conflict Elicia and I ever have, although it presents itself in different ways. I don't mean large conflict, we very rarely fight, but it reveals itself always in our differences of opinions. The respective attitudes of reservation and expression run so deep that it is hard to work out a suitable comprimise.
Anyway, last night at cell group the point was put forward that for people to be true friends, in a church body or anywhere, they cannot wear masks. We must be authentic at all times. This idea was expressed as "not being reserved". Are they really the same thing? I'm into honesty, but I think sometimes it's polite to not share everything with everyone. Should politeness go out the window just so we can let each other know how we feel? I don't think so. I think the basic rules of politeness are set so that people can get along better, understand each other easier and work together without conflict. Is that such a bad thing?
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I've just been thinking about it a lot.