Do you want to job coach David Davis?

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 07 October 2005 13:17:12

I manage a supported employment agency. Basically what we do is to support people with learning disabilities to get work, by providing on-the-job training.

We had a referral for a new client yesterday called David Davis. How cool is that? We get to job coach the probable new leader of the Tory party! As manager, I get to deal with all the best clients. So here's how I'll go about it.

1. Obviously he needs lessons on how to speak to an audience. So we'll do that first, that's probably why his social worker referred him in the first place.

2. He'll need some pretty urgent lessons in policy, especially foreign policy. I might sub-contract this to Oxfam, or Noam Chomsky or someone like that. As an SAS person, we might need to re-train him not to shoot foreigners, which although tempting can get in the way of successful European summits.

3. *This will be hard* Train him not to talk about immigration all the time.

4. Leading the Tory party. Now for the really tricky bit. While I have some experience dealing with duplicitous, backstabbing, immoral colleagues (close contact with social services departments), I really don't have anything on the level of Tory MPs. I suspect that his SAS training may come in handy here.

5. Becoming Prime Minister. Hmmm. We try to set realistic goals with our clients. If David is labouring under the illusion that this could actually happen, we'll need to bring him down a peg or two. In the trade, we use the idea of ‘stepping stone jobs' - it may not be your ideal job, but it'll have to do. Tory leader is about as far as it'll get, I'm afraid.