Categories: uncategorized
Date: 08 February 2008 14:42:14
A positive personal tale from a few years ago. I've decided to write this, but I know I'm going to struggle to write it because it's talking about my faith in a positive fashion. This isn't something I do much (mainly because I don't feel very positive about my relationship with God that often), and I'm always wary of being the Pharisee in the town square shouting 'look at my righteousness'. But I thought that I would write this because we're often shy about talking positively about our experience of God, and this is a shame.
My wife and I did an alchohol fast a few years ago for Lent. It was hard. Anyone who knows me will know that this was a genuine case of putting myself in the desert. Anyway, four weeks into this, I went for a solo walk in the Neath Valley, past many lovely waterfalls. It's an isolated place, and I think I saw about two other people all day.
I did have a question about whether or not I should get involved in leading the music ministry in church, which was answered very positively. (And interestingly, Wife also felt God telling her the same thing, and we hadn't talked about it at all).
Something rather odder happened that day though. I love being out of doors and going for walks, it brings me closer to God than anything I can think of. And I was feeling joyful. Part of the way along the walk, going past a waterfall, I started singing a song which I'd really disliked up to that point in time, but which I've always enjoyed since. It captured the moment, and gave me a soundtrack for the day. The chorus goes
'The river of God sets our feet a-dancing
The river of God fills our hearts with cheer
The river of God fills our mouths with laughter
And we rejoice for the river is here.'
It's not Wesley or Parry, but that's not the point. It just encapsulated what I felt.
Anyway, the odd thing. As a new Christian I was 'baptised in the Holy Spirit' (I had some Pente friends). It never felt natural, but I did begin speaking in tongues sometimes. It never felt natural because it always felt like I was making the syllables, they weren't 'coming to me' so to speak. I felt foolish. So I stopped doing it. By the time of this walk, I hadn't done it in nearly ten years.
But perched by a particularly lovely waterfall, as secluded as I could be, I felt God say to me that it was a gift he had given me and I should use it. I could use it when I didn't know how to pray for something. I could make the syllables and picture events or people, and just trust that God would use my prayer. And it would increase my faith, because I was letting go of situations and encouraging God to control them, rather than stipulating my own agenda through my prayer.
And I began speaking in tongues again. It gave me a release; a deepened faith and an increased openness to God. It can be a real comfort when praying, especially when I'm exhausted by something - praying in tongues is the equivalent of flopping into a car at the end of a long walk and letting someone else drive you.
I can also say 'shecomeonahonda' as well as the best of the Pentes now.
I don't actually do it much (writing the above story reminds me that I should do it a lot more). I still feel a bit foolish when I do it, as all my rationalism hates me for doing it. But maybe that rationalism needs taming, and that's why God gave me this particular gift.
It's been odd to write this, it's a very private thing and I have mixed feelings about saying it. I'm quite sensitive about it actually. But I wanted to give one example of God using a fast to do something different and out of the ordinary.