Categories: uncategorized
Date: 13 November 2002 23:00:00
From our industrial correspondent, Lunchtime O'Clock.
As hundreds of damned souls queued to enter the halls of Hell this morning, there were growing cries of condemnation from all quarters at the industrial action taken by Satan.
"It's a disgrace," said St Peter, "What if there was a major terrorist attack or war in the next few days? Is he just going to let these people hang around outside?"
"If we give in to this," said the Metatron, speaking on behalf of the Almighty, "it will just lead to another Third Millenium BC of Discontent." He was referring to the industrial action that erupted over terms and conditions regarding the gathering in of souls during the high dynastic period of Egypt, when both devils and angels wanted overtime pay because of the number of servants and concubines who were put to death to be buried alongside the pharoahs. At that time, many souls were left wandering the streets of Memphis for months and led to an all out strike by all supernatural beings below the rank of Arch-Angel. At that time Limbo became dangerously overcrowded and special emergency centres had to be opened to deal with the problem. "I don't think 4% now and 7% at the end of the Great Tribulation is unreasonable," he added, "After all, it's not as if they actually need the money, not living in a cash economy and everything."
A spokesman for Satan later said that in the event of a massacre, he and his colleagues would act if there was serious danger and the possibility of salvation. He also called on the leader of Reserve Devils Assocation to bring his members out as well. The Association, made up of voluntary tormentors who have other day jobs, has refused to join the action thus far.