Categories: uncategorized
Date: 14 September 2007 01:36:37
Greenbelt Part 3
So, what was the confession about?
To be totally honest, I am not totally sure what it was about for other people, BUT for me, it was about being in a circle with a group of people and saying sorry. It was about being in front of God, in a field, under the sun and saying sorry. It was about being forgiven. It was also about forgiving. For me it wasn't about the group of people just either. It was wide scale. Life scale. Big scale.
(to rewind and go on tangent for a little moment: a few years ago I went to a “charismatic conference”. Probably wont go again. I t served its purpose well for hanging out with my church family and friends, drinking wine and generally slobbing, but the meetings and ministry wasn't my thing I guess. I remember during the week though, spending lots of time in “intense” prayer with a couple of random folk who were running the prayer shed. Yeah, it was good to go and pray, and it was good to let God do what He wanted, but certain elements of it felt forced. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think the people praying for me, and the stuff they were praying for was more for them then it was I? If that makes sense ... so forgiveness, yeah it was an issue, but I think it was more important for them that I forgive then for me at the time. I can hear a few of you going, yeah, right whatever. And I have to admit, I walked away from this prayer thing thinking, you know I am letting God down? Am I even a Christian, I have all these people praying over me, in tongues and spirit, and all that stuff , but still it wasn't happening for me. However hard I closed my eyes, however hard I tried to cry whilst they were saying “let the tears come” it just didn't happen. I felt nothing. N - O - T- H- I= - N -G . Was I normal? )
Thing is, bearing in mind the above tangent in brackets is that I really think God was really working at Greenbelt. Sitting in a field. Quietly. No big fan fare. No big jumping up and down and shouting out and about. No big falling on the floors and tongues, or anything else. Just quietly, sitting with a group of rather lovely unassuming strangers and He was working. And He was working big time on forgiving me, loving me, and helping me to sit and think, maybe, just maybe I can forgive. I can forgive.
So, at Greenbelt, 2007 I forgave.
So to some of you this might seem like I making a mountain out of a mole hill, and now isn't the right time to go into , if there is ever a right time, to go into what it was I was being forgiven for, and what I was forgiving. But it happened. And for the first time, in probably a long time, if not for the first time full stop, I think I just felt Gods awesomeness. I was just overawed, but again, in no big loud, shouty, clappy way, just in a quiet , chilled cool way. Just sitting on the grass, it was good.
I really need to talk about the communion itself, seeing as that was what this was, a communion service didn't I ...
Still just sitting on the grass, all cool and calm, the communion part began.
Each member of our group got given a red piece of paper and a white piece and as we reflected and thought about the communion, and dean lead the service, breaking bread we were encouraged to pass bread around our circle to one another. And as we did that, we would say the little piece of writing on our sheets. As we went round the circle, each and everyone on of those pieces were different. So as we shared and broke bread with one another, we were also breaking bread with those who long for justice, those who long to live free from fear
As we went around the circle we shared bread with one another but also with who have faith for a miracle, who long for companionship, who toil and strive towards a better future. There were a few more but I have picked those out as ones that really touched me. In fact the whole idea of breaking bread with our group, remember Jesus and the sacrifice He made, and remembering and sharing with others we don't know, in situations we don't know. It was powerful.
Then came the wine. In the same format.
We shared wine with one another, but we also as the wine went around the circle, out loud shared wine with ...who have seen loved ones die, who have seen to much blood flow.
Well, this finished me I think, in terms of the trying to stay dry eyed and everything else. So on went the sun glasses (thankfully it was very hot, so they looked good, and lots of other people had them on too, and hopefully no one in my circle noticed that the tears came. I just put my head on my knees, hoping to look like I was just reflecting. Again, all very chilled, quiet, no big fanfare. But how how striking for me.
To share in wine remembering Jesus with a group of people who will never know me, and who will never know how poignant it was to be thinking of those who have seen too much blood flow, and loved ones die.
We also shared this wine with those who longed for someone to dry their tears, who desire to be accepted and appreciated, who find the pressure of life too much.
My God, I have never experienced or been involved in anything so low key, chilled out, but yet so powerful and amazing.
Its late, and I have more to write on this, so if your not getting bored of this yet, then you can await for Part 4 to come along ...