Categories: uncategorized
Date: 15 July 2007 17:29:53
We left this tale with me as a 6th form student, recovering from mental illness and getting to grips with my new-found faith. We also left me experiencing the joy of belonging. The next few years taught me a few lessons, some of which were hard, some not so.
These years saw my first boyfriend, my first break up, my first 'proper' birthday party (my 18th was fab) and my first academic failure. It is amusing, on reflection, to note that the ability I set most store by and from which I gained the vast majority of my self esteem was the first to take a blow, post-conversion. Of my three A-levels, I failed one and significantly under-achieved in another. Cue over-reactions and a sharp lesson in intellectual humility (still alot to learn there, I'm afraid!) The outcome of this, however, could be seen as my first tangible experience of grace. I was rejected by my first and second uni choices but, much to my surprise, Swansea (now a much-lover former home, but then only 2nd choice) offered me unconditional entry for one year later. No retakes, no further proof needed, just say 'yes'. Understandably, I did say yes. I then spent the intervening year earning money and getting some real-world experience, both of which were to prove invaluable in terms of getting through university in one piece.
The other lesson only began at this time, the implications of which turned out to be pretty far reaching. I still remember to this day, sitting with my head in my hands and tears running down my face, being moved beyond anything I understood by the pain of others. I also remember uttering these words in prayer:
"Lord, I do not understand this. I promise you, if I need to suffer in order to be able to relate better to that which others are going through, then I am willing."
I was to learn that God tends to take this kind of offer very seriously....