Great Expectations

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 26 September 2010 21:13:33

I have recently come to realise something that I have known, in a vague kind of way, for a while.

I have incredibly high standards.

(I guess that those who know me at all are saying something along the lines of "No s**t Sherlock!" at this point :))

The main target of my great (i.e. unrealistic) expectations is myself.  However, having high standards for oneself has more than just the effect of being regularly disappointed with ones own performance.  Much as I would not like it to be the case, those expectations also extend to those close to me.  I think (hope) I am more reasonable with others than myself, but I get the impression that living up to my standards is still hard for people around me.  Ultimately, it is a matter of self-esteem.  I think it goes something like this:

a)  I would never/always try to do x/y/z because I care about this person.  (Brain will happily omit the fact that I often fail to live up to this standard at this point)

b)  As this person is not doing/doing x/y/z they evidently do not care about me.

Cue crashing of ego and anger/hurt of Dith (rarely expressed and,  if ever expressed, even more rarely in a positive manner!)

So, there it is.

The solution to the problem, and its flip side, is the same thing.

Grace. Grace. Grace.

I think I am only just beginning to grasp the hem of how this actually looks/feels/works.  One of the marvellous things about grace is that it deals with the kind of 'sins' and 'guilt' that are really the result of a fragile person expecting too much, as well as dealing with the stuff that really is morally 'wrong' in the eyes of God.

Now, to me, that comes pretty close to the definition of Good News.