Categories: uncategorized
Date: 06 December 2004 11:24:09
Hard to know what to post today without being rather reflective. But am going to post anyway...
I have come face to face with the end of my capabilities and am in that awkward place where one has to say to God "ok, you take it from here"
I am not comfortable with that place.
Nope
Not at all.
Not even a little bit...
I am way too capable for my own good most of the time and tend to manage very well on my own. But now I am in a job I can't do with my eyes closed ...
Now I am living with a guy who has no idea about living with other people... He hasn't said 2 words to me today, and we work AND live together... I know it's just his way but trying to share my living space with someone so self contained is like living with the invisible man. You can tell that he is there, you can feel his presence, but you can't connect with him.
Not my ideal way to live really...
A bit lonely even.
Then, I go to church on Sunday evening, not because I really feel like it but because my soul feels COMPELLED to go and it was awesome in a "God is on my case" kind of way. Which is also totally terrifying to a capable sort of girl.
I'm aware that to go ahead I have to come to the end of me or else I will be stuck right here the same as I ever was, and I know there is more to me than that... But to go ahead is to leave myself in the hands of God and that is where the capable control freak freaks right on out of here...