Person number 1...

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 24 June 2005 20:00:58

....was extremely nice to me. I was in Sainsbury's with a half-full basket (apple juice, super-yummy multigrain bread, Strepsils, blackcurrent zinc tablets and milk) and she let me into the queue in front of her (she had loooaaads of stuff). I did that normal British thing first, "No, it's ok, I usually plan on 3 hours queuing." Then decided to go for it and told her that she would go straight to Heaven for this. Yes, I am aware that I have very little influence in the cosmic decision making process, but just let me pretend, ok, just today. She replied that there was no way that she was going straight to Heaven but rather would be taking a far more circuitous route. Which made me chuckle and did cause my imagination to jump-start into life wondering of the size, extent and type of her misdemeanours. Having thought a bit more, I think she's right, if you're on a straight road it's time to start worrying. I really should have learned that from living in the middle of Wales for two years.

Person number two came with a different sort of "wisdom". Driving out the car park I'm met by a car coming straight towards me, the wrong way up a one-way bit. He (inevitably) manages to squeeze through without touching Patricia (...ok, yes, my cars name is Patricia. Why? Well, she's a Peugeot which makes her French and Patricia Arquette is also French and when Patricia (the car) has been highly polished (not often!) she is rather attractive, as, apparently, is Mademoiselle Arquette). On the way past I politely (honest! I even addressed him with a cheerfully laddish "Hey mate") point out to him that he's going the wrong way, to which he, not so politely (politeness requiring a modicum of intelligence) replies "I'll go whatever way I like". I can't be certain but I thought I saw a neck-chain hanging from his rear-view mirror with the name Rick on it. Or something very like Rick...