keeping good company

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 27 March 2007 23:17:32

I've been on another rollercoaster ride or two since my last log.

Saturday I managed to coax Guy out of bed and the house and into the Leather Museum only to watch him sit on the floor in the corner and then after sitting briefly, setting out homewards. I got annoyed and told him to go and that I wasn't going to stop him and spent a very nice rest of the day making a mask and a half. I needed the craft time and I'm glad I just let him do whatever. Really frustrated that he wasted the money when there's usually a 5 or more person waiting list for these courses. Rang him at lunchtime and he was up and active. I'm really really struggling and don't know who to ask for what again. He's downstairs talking to thin air and short of calling the emergency crew and the hospital taking him back I see nothing whatsoever but I don't like the idea of sending him. I've not had the energy the last 2 nights when I've been home. Tonight either. I feel cornered, that there should be another option and that we're being deprived of it and that's quite frustrating. So far, I'm insufficiently focused to pray so I'm running on earthbound wisdom again. This is all quite ridiculous when God can do the most incredible stuff.

I made it to cell this evening for the first time in ages and the second time in nearly 6 weeks. It was great, like Sunday was, and I felt nicely out of it on a certain level, and gagged though I'm only just realising that, so that I never said a word about Guy, about how very bad he is, how worn out I am, how once again the only thing carrying me through is God's grace through my work colleagues and maybe even our kids who are nearly adorable at the moment. Not good to be truthful. Not good at all.

I thoroughly enjoyed salsa on saturday evening. I had mostly made my mind up to go and really fancied it and finally I called and left a message and the organiser got back to me and we figured I'd get a lift home. Once that hurdle was flat on the ground I rang for bus times and phone a couple of trustee nights in shining armour. One came to my rescue, fab bloke that he is, and drove me down... And I'm so so very glad I went. I'm beginning to get the hang of it, we did a couple of hours practice with a DJ playing songs then the band came on and I danced 4 salsa and one other dance. I now feel a complete fool for not having gone out of my way years ago to finally get back on a dance floor. I've missed it more than I can ever say, from the skill and effort and concentration to the movement and physical effort. I've rediscovered what it's like to dance when led and to fall into step with someone else or miserably fail to do so and then fall about laughing instead. I think I smiled throughout the evening. To neatly tie up the night I got a lift back with 2 of the girls I'd not met on Wednesday but that I thought looked familiar and we chatted and had a lovely drive back.

My legs are aching from training yesterday and from deciding to take one of the bikes back by cycling it over... happened to be the one I didn't use and the saddle is still about 4 inches too low for me if I believe the burning feeling in my poor little legs.

Oh! I'm now the very proud owner of a tandem. Should anyone fancy joining me in taking it for a spin, please do. It is fab!! And it's a beautiful bright blue to boot.
:P
Can you believe it??

Oh and for the nosey ones who're wanting to hear more about Fabrice, well...
I could just shut up and let you stew :)
Nothing to tell really but we've chatted and keep in touch. We've got some interesting stuff in common. I like the fact he thinks about stuff before deciding what to do with it. I keep wondering what he thinks of me and that makes me feel both insecure and good at the same time which I think is a daft combination.
So there you are, nothing to tell really but I know you were dying to ask. ;)

Finally, I'm very tired just now but oddly enough not falling to sleep. I got to sleep before 1 this morning and woke up some point after 3, gave up on going back to sleep by quarter to 4 and watched Holes curled up in my duvet on the couch. I had a half hour doze to finish off the night before working at 0730, I've not been 100% on and off throughout the day but weirdly I've only felt tired about twice.
Arghhh!! What is my body up to!! I'm now going to give the old sleep thing a new try. We'll see!