Categories: uncategorized
Date: 18 May 2007 01:48:25
It's truly late and my bedtime was and feels like it should have been an hour ago... But for the fact that I'd said to Guy that we'd watch a film, so I thought I'd stick to that and we put Superman on at 2230 once I'd got home and touched base. I enjoyed it, though I think it was more for the special effects and soppy ending than anything amazing film-wise. Nice no-brains or effort watching.
I needed that since tonight's shift included a similar scenario to yesterday from the second of the girls... I would be mortified if I'd actually done something to deserve the verbal abuse and threats. Gladly I haven't and to be truthful most of it is down to the fact that they need to pick on someone and take it out somehow.
Paraphrased, we're simply talking being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or is it the right place at the right time... I think today's incident was needed and did said kid good. Something to do with boundaries and knowing how far is safe.
My only problem is that at the time it feels beyond crap to be bawled at in such a manner, with as many potentially harmful words as they can articulate and with threats of violence which gladly few actually ever follow through.
I don't like feeling vulnerable and set upon like that.
I've never coped with violence well at all and curling up in a corner always seems like the best option. Naturally I'm the run and hide type and I hate it when what they throw at me makes me seethe so much that I want to be violent in return. It's never sat right within me and I hate the results of people lashing out, whether it's me or others. I'm satisfied when I don't go for the easy option and hold on to the violence by either trying to talk or, and this is usually even better, taking a walk. I don't mind getting angry and letting rip when it's right. Whether I hiss at a kid that they're out of order or raise my voice to say so, they need to know.
But 99% of the time the very tempting slap is useless, specially with our guys.
We're talking kids who've sometimes only known that. Therefore some come and fetch it. They want a violent angry worked up reaction because it's all they've had. All they're equiped to deal with. Since they've got nothing positive coming their way, or, worse even, because they've got something good coming to them, they make a way of getting what they think of as normal and act accordingly to get told off.
Talk about screwed up!
I'm sure this is the point when I was meant to have turned and run...
Bother, I really should pay better attention to the stage prompts.
It's now beyong beyond bedtime and the back of my eyes is beginning to hurt.
I miss Fabrice.
Guy's still taking no meds, he's had a couple of pretty odd reactions at me and made some weird comment also. I'm worried but still have no clue at all what I should be doing to sort anything out. I've now got a number to call tomorrow and check out a possible path.
Oh, and my carer support lady has already moved on, without me getting a chance to say bye, but I do have an appointment to meet the new lady and hopefully get some stuff underway. Resi Social Worker has social worker... I still find that funny. It reminds me of the way counsellers go for counselling.
Oh and did I say: I miss Fabrice.
:P
night night