Categories: uncategorized
Date: 11 June 2006 22:13:17
ok, I know I can't sort things out by myself and I don't want to try even, I'm not stupid, but frankly, I've had no idea who to ask or what to do or where to turn unitl the past 3 or 4 days. I know I'n in way over my depth with Guy. The fact than Dan's in hospital doesn't help. I don't know how to tell my parents exactly how bad lil' bro number one is when they're already probably worried sick by lil' bro number 2.
So here I sit, while Guy's at mates', using up the tiny gift of time afforded because I was farmed off again from work. I don't like the feeling being asked to work elsewhere but my usual workplace gives me. And the fact that I really struggle with the kids at the respite house doesn't help. Give me my naughty 11-16s any day. They talk to me and tell me where to go if they don't like something. Please understand, I love the kids where I've just spent this shift; I simply can't cope with them as well and that unnerves me.
So the one bonus of having to leave a party early (bbq at some very good mates') for work is that I finished early too. I needed the breather, brief as it is.
I'm finding myself become useless in social situations because I'm being dragged into worrying for Guy. I can feel the pressure getting too much. It's not healthy for me and not helpful for Guy. I'm sure the fact that I'm not relating with my mates the way I normally would can't be lifting his spirits.
Guy's in safe hands right now, he stayed at the bbq with my cell crew. (Dith you know the usual suspects but I hope you get to meet the new kids on the block! Our hosts today are complete and thorough gems. I'm blessed because I know N&S! Truly)
After the bbq, Col & Lyn have looked after him. They'll be over in a bit to drop off my beloved little brother. They and about 2 or 3 other people are amongst those that he trusts and feels safe with at the moment. It says a lot about how awesome they both are and I can't thank them enough.
I've been stumbling accross people the past few days who've said or reminded me that they've been there and that they relate. I feel less out on a limb.
I'm so thankful for your prayers, all.
Cheers Nessa for telling me you're bearing me and Guy up. You are a star lighting up the night sky with life :)
I'm so glad it's hot. I'm forced to slow down.
If anyone up this end of the world has spare planters, I'll soon need to find my bb toms and other tiny veg a home in which to grow big...
That and I need some grass seed. The mowed field that was my lawn is wrecked.