Categories: uncategorized
Date: 17 October 2006 23:16:26
I've tought of so many things to write over the past few weeks. Use of time and being away have meant that until Thursday I didn't get a chance.
Then on Friday I tried to get onto the net and guess what, the router played up!!! Standard procedure, it got turned off (not my doing for once) on Wednesday night and of course (!!!) it lost its ability to connect me to the outside world.
That was part of my stress on Saturday.
As some of you may know, I am meant to be in France.
Crap crap crap!!
I'm frazzled.
Saturday was as close as I've come to a nervous breakdown in a long while. I've lost my cool here and there, but I was on edge for about 4hours, 2 of which I spent either in tears on on the verge of... Nice show when I was in the middle New Street with swelling crowds of Villa fans as well as unsuspecting travellers. I was well looked after by a handfull of star lads!! Cheers boys. If you were on the phone to me, you know... and taken back home by Colyn and Daniel for food and TLC. It was nice to be, nothing else. I went to bed so tired, I couldn't articulate the way I felt.
I got it in 1 Sunday when some1 asked and I replied I felt like I'd used up a week's worth of energy in 4h. Truly!! I'm actually not quite sure how I forced myself to join Church on Sunday morning. I nearly decided not to go so so so many times. I suppose that beyond all things I know that family is the only true refuge of any concequence. It doesn't matter what state one is in, it remains home...
I've actually spent most of the past 3 days in Colyn's company or at theirs. They're such stars.
Their parents were there the weekend so I've had time with them too.
And A's was there on Sat eve, then we were at her's on Sunday. Smiles are due.
Oh and Lysette's been looking after me.
Goodness! God knows she has sheltered me more than I can say. She was meant to be housesitting, instead she's done the washing up and helped me and we've watched some films or supped tea and sat about a bit.
I've received an amazing gift, last week it arrived. I cried when I found it. God knew just what was needed... Thank you Father for the presie. I'm sorry I've not been completely good with it, but I've done well by my untrustworthy standards and been nearly all good.
Money. Direct into my account. WOW!
Some's paid off a debt, some bought presies, some is sat in my account, some bought me a skirt, and finally a 3rd of it went on buying Euros for the journey I didn't make on Saturday. I'll just hang on to those until November when I go to see Claire.
I'm not in a good place people.... Really really. I'm hoping that this and next weekend, both to be spent primarily with women, have been appointed for this time... Problem being it's day to day that needs the overhaul. The slope is on a routine/habits level and that's where I slip. No solution so far. Nothing that's lasted more than a few hours anyhow. And if I'm not in 1 piece the I have no chance of fielding Guy moments like last week or Saturday afternoon. Not a sausage! Not a bean! No way!
How manyn times, languages and registers am I meant to articulate the word HELP before I get something that is going to be day in day out until I can stand firm on my own again? Who do I ask? I've not figured any of that yet.
Before I sign out, a Nina or Teresa link:
www.taize.fr/en_rubrique45.html