Categories: uncategorized
Date: 15 June 2007 10:54:34
... deep breath ... good question, Karin ...
Mother in law went into hospital a few weeks ago. The medical matter was dealt with, then she was transferred to a residential home, not, I understand, because she needs to be looked after, but because of the condition of her house. There is a long standing problem here. Wife tells me that her mum has never tidied her house. Certainly, when I met the girl who is now my wife, I was shocked at the state of her mother's house.
At that time, girl who became my wife lived with her mother. I think that they had some kind of agreement, so that girl who became my wife could keep her own area tidy, and somehow coexist with her mother regarding the rest of the house.
A few years ago, a situation quite similar to the present one occurred. Mother in law went into hospital, then into residential care. For some weeks, negotiations ensued. A social worker proposed that professional cleaners be brought into the house; once the house was clean and tidy, a care package could be worked out, so that mother in law could be helped to go on living in her own house. Mother in law stonewalled. She refused to allow a cleaning company into her house. Eventually, she returned home, everything pretty much as it was.
Mother in law claims that it is her daughter's responsibility to tidy the house. I'm sure that wife longs to be in a position to help, but there are all sorts of problems. Mother in law refuses to allow anything to be thrown out. It seems to me that the fundamental problem (apart from mother in law's intransigence) is that even with the best will in the world, wife could not do it on her own. There needs to be support, which there isn't because mother in law opposed the plan to bring in cleaners. Strangely, there has been one positive development. My brother gets on well with mother in law, and has several times visited her, and significantly improved the state of the house.
So this time around, I have little expectation that the outcome will be any different. Wife told me at the start of this week that her mother was going to bring in a cleaning company. Then the word was that the company would only clean downstairs - the upstairs would be left alone (I shudder as I write). Then I heard that only the bathroom was to be cleaned (literally the smallest room). And still I hear that mother in law is complaining that the company is charging too much.
It's so sad. The house is in a wonderful location. If the house was clean and bright (instead of dirty and smelly), we could visit as a family. They would be joyous occasions (like the annual development reviews we're to have at work - but that's another story).
I really don't see a way forward ...