Categories: uncategorized
Date: 13 July 2007 09:41:07
Jan reminds us that Winston Churchill referred to depression as 'the black dog'. If I may be permitted a few minutes' introspection, I would say that over the past few months I have been more aware of anxiety than depression. Partly this has been the result of conscious effort - I know the black dog well, and do all that I can to keep him at bay.
My father and I didn't communicate well, but one thing I do remember him telling me was that he had gone through a period of depression - untreated and unaided. It seems to have related to his work, and became a kind of obsession, that he, a professional scientist, would be unable even to do the job of a postman. On occasion recently I have wondered if I should be the tea boy - apparently the limit of my abilities. I believe that my own thoughts have contained a grain of truth - I am much better at doing the daily tasks which keep the show on the road than planning for big events, which seem to have become the focus of what nowadays we are expected to be doing.
There are different kinds of projects. As readers of this blog may know, I have embarked on a 365 days project on flickr. This is my kind of project - I do a little each day, which gradually builds into something significant. My nightmare project (having been involved once, I have no wish to do it again) is to plan a wedding. Everything has to be thought out in advance, and prepared in advance. On the day, everything must fall into place.
Anyway - it's been a strange week. Monday morning, I see again the doctor, expecting to be on my way into work. At this stage, I just don't know if the immediate future needs to hold fundamental change, or just a stronger resolve not to leave myself and my feelings out of the equation when agreeing to carry out tasks. It depends, too, on how my colleagues have reacted to my being off this week. Will they be sympathetic, or annoyed that I've left them to do extra duty?
One thing I must say, to you my internet friends - without you, I could not have got through this. I thank you from the bottom of my heart!