Categories: uncategorized
Date: 05 December 2007 13:21:31
As I continue to read "The Deafening Sound of Silent Tears", I find myself frequently very nearly in tears myself. Stephen Fischbacher sings a song called "My Old Friend Tears" on the CD "These Are Our Emotions" (which I have listened to over and over again, because it's the music we put on to help daughter to go to sleep). I think that compared with many people, I find it difficult to cry. Part of the reason has to be that the time when I ended up (for the first time) in a psychiatric ward, I had just been taken to see the consultant psychiatrist, and as I told him of my circumstances I burst into tears. I still carry the association that if I let myself go somebody is going to put me in hospital.
But I reckon that it goes deeper than that. Even on occasions where one is expected to be in tears, funerals, for example, my eyes remain dry. It doesn't mean that I don't feel; just that I don't express my feelings - perhaps can't. I wonder if my inability to experience the presence of the Holy Spirit in a tangible way could be a consequence of this aspect of my personality.
But I continue to enjoy reading the story of Caring for Life. There is a sense of God working, of authentic Christianity which, dare I say it, seems generally absent from my week-by-week experience of the church (but then again, perhaps it's just me).