Categories: uncategorized
Date: 12 June 2004 13:44:14
I have been remembering a lady I knew through the Internet who died, about 18 months ago now I guess. It was hard to lose that friend, even though we had never actually met -- not in the same room, you know. Amazing what a few email letters or phone calls or MSN messages can do.
She was a wonderful writer and used a place on a website I love, Ship of Fools, as sort of a diary about the long course of her treatments and her final illness. In the end when she could not write any more the friends who were there with her wrote a few times for us. That was nice. Then she died.
FIELDS OF GOLD:
http://forum.ship-of-fools.com/cgi-bin/UBB/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=11;t=000166
MISS MOLLY REVELATIONS:
http://forum.ship-of-fools.com/cgi-bin/UBB/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=11;t=000197
It was awful to see her go like that-- it was a very unusual cancer, affected mostly her lungs.
But it was also oddly a comfort to get the details, the reports from her. It was good to be able to pray for her with actual knowledge of what she was going thru.
Then, later, a few months ago, I met another friend. He was a sweet, funny man, a father, and a karaoke nut. I really enjoyed him.
When I first knew him -- it was also an all-'Net friendship, as was the other -- he was bald from his lymphoma treatments. He seemed to be having some success. Looked pretty darn healthy for such a sick man!
Over time, he had to go back into the hospital on a couple of occasions. I was able to get in touch by telephone and it was nice to keep up with him that way, since he couldn't get to the Internet.
But then he got really ill. Infection and recurring tumors. The last time I was able to reach him by telephone, I learned his mother and sister had flown in to be with him. I was glad of that. He had his kids, some of them adults, but I know they all must have appreciated the reinforcements.
He could hardly speak, and he was on heavy medications. He said Hospice representatives were coming. I heard the phrase "turn for the worse".
When I called again, the hospital said he'd been taken off to a nursing facility. Presumably to die, though they didn't say that. They weren't free to release any info to me. And I understood that... but it was hurtful.
I had his cell phone number, his home phone... but no way to reach him. I did send him a beautiful card from his favorite company (Blue Mountain Arts). I hope his family was picking up his mail!
I cannot imagine he'd not have dropped me a line if his health took an upswing and he was back home and able.
I have to accept that he either did die, or is still suffering in such a state that he cannot call me.
I want to cheer him on, to pray with knowledge about his needs and his family's and his caretakers' needs... but I really have to face the fact that my friend has probably died.
It's rotten, this Internet world. To find nice people and grow to love them, and to always be in danger of losing them with no way to follow up. No way to help them. Nothing.
I realize I run that risk with anyone, 'Net friend or not, who is not connected closely to my daily life.
As far as that goes, have I really got any control of my ability to be with/communicate with anyone at all? Even with my family? Things happen. Accidents, illnesses.
If I just stop agonizing over it and accept the loving friends and family around me, and the beloved 'Net friends, with gratitude... I will do well.