Categories: uncategorized
Date: 02 July 2005 22:37:54
Perhaps it was a convenience store at one time, a gas station, the pumps and tanks dug up years ago due to the expense of making them environmentally safe.
Or maybe it has always been a simple little brick office building, leased over time by auto insurance agencies and smalltime accountants and janitorial services.
At any rate, for now, it's "Hearts", a lo-o-o-o-ove shop.
As opposed to a porn shop. I think they're trying for a more romantic image.
And, true, when you walk in, there are racks and racks of lingerie. Special lacy frilly stingy barely-there stuff, meant to be worn by skinny little people without much stuff.
Once you pass through the middle area of the shop, however, once you make your way through the forest of be-ribboned, laced-up, crotchless bits of froth, once you finally arrive in the back corner...
Oh! The humanity!
Or lack of it.
I don't think I'd ever seen so many plastic penises in one place before -- and I grew up with Mardi Gras.
Rubber boobies and latex extensions and artificial "guaranteed 100% lifelike" orifices of various sorts.
Who MAKES these things?
Honestly, there is a housewife or a college student at home trying to relax right now after a hard shift at the Fur Lined Handcuff Factory.
There is a truck driver drinking an early morning cup of coffee right now at a plain little diner, before he starts his day of delivering Titan Penis Pumps to all the shops.
Who BUYS these things?
Not that I'm not in favor of a fun toy every now and then. I am, really. There are a few handcuffs and other interesting items around here.
What I want to know is, is there THAT much of a market?!?! Who is buying thousands and millions of Perky Pinned Pussies every year? (No, really -- an entire rubber ladycrotch, from knee to shining knee, with a beaded safety pin pushed through the labia, for goodness' sake!)
And whips and collars and leashes and chains and heating oils in every possible flavor.
Oh -- are you wondering why I went there? (I obviously don't get to such places often, if one little visit fascinates me so.)
Spouse took me there. And pulled me into the shop. And never let go of my hand the whole time, as if some plasticized pervert was going to leap out at me from behind the shelves.
This is what I learned at Hearts, just in case you want to benefit from my wisdom:
** Only Frederick's of Hollywood knows how to make proper sexy lingerie for bodacious beauties like me. Don't even bother to check out your average shop, one claiming to offer sexy attire, if you're not a stick.
** Be prepared to find out that there is a popular and successful line of sex products, fake body parts, rubber inflatable dolls, etc., with your name on it. That's what happened to me. The main reason it's so successful is the similarity in appearance of the model on the cover to all the other blonde porn stars. If they had used my photo the line would only appeal to a nichemarket. :)
** Check out the tiny little young nymphettes working there. If you think any of them might be under 21, it might be fun to call the district attorney to see if he's got a problem with that.
** And, even if you come away empty-handed, be prepared for the visit to have been an inspiration to the spouse. Gifts may show up later on. (Goodness, honeybun, just what I always wanted, an Iron Maiden...)