Categories: uncategorized
Date: 11 July 2006 21:13:32
First phone conversation, between me and an optical equipment supplier:
Him: [answers phone by saying name of company in bored tone]
Me: Hello. I'm phoning from X opticians. We ordered a focimeter from you which was delivered yesterday.
Him: Oh yes.
Me: Well I'm afraid we're going to have to return it. We're not happy with the quality at all.
Him: Well we don't market it as good quality, we market it as good value.
Me: [in head: ?????????????]. Um. Well, possibly not, but when we took it out of the box there were screws falling out.
Him: Well, there is a section which is detachable.
Me: Yes. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about screws. falling. out.
Him: Well I suppose that shouldn't happen. Do return it then, if you feel that's what you want to do.
Me: Um. Yes. It is. It'll be in the post tomorrow.
I was still boggling about this (it's okay if your product doesn't work, kids, as long as you don't market it as good quality) when the phone rang again.
Caller: Can I speak to Brian please?
Me: I'm afraid there's no-one of that name here. You've dialled the wrong number.
Caller: Are you sure?
Me: [continued boggling]. Yes. I'm sure. [Thinks: do you want me to check behind the sofa?]
Caller: Actually I can see I've dialled the wrong number, you're right.
Me: Yes.
Also, if you ever buy a packet of dried cranberries and then wonder what to do with them (is it just me who suffers from impulse buying in Julian Graves more than any clothes shop?), can I recommend adding them to a sponge cake?