Absence

Categories: uncategorized

Tags: Henri Nouwen

Date: 08 August 2008 00:15:59

“As the returned child of God, living in the Father's house, God's joy is mine to claim. There is seldom a minute in my life that I am not tempted by sadness, melancholy, cynicism, dark moods, somber thoughts, morbid speculations, and waves of depression. And often I allow them to cover up the joy of my Father's house. But when I truly believe that I have already returned and that my Father has already dressed me with a cloak, ring, and sandals, I can remove the mask of sadness from my heart and dispel the lie it tells me about my true self and claim the truth with the inner freedom of the child of God.” - Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming, by Henri Nouwen

As I went to bed tonight I was just overwhelmed by total feelings of sadness. This quote kind of sums it up for me. I know that in my head that the birthright granted to me by God is there to claim, but the reality is that my heart does not see or feel it.

Instead of being able to claim that joyful experience of being clothed by the Father, I feel poor. I feel as though there are huge absences in my life, things that I cannot change and for whatever reason God does not bring about the changes I so desire. As a child I was taught that faithfulness to God is crucial, that he will hear your needs, desires and hopes and he satisfy your needs. However, the reality of life does not bear out these teachings. Instead of feeling satisfied and heard by God I keenly feel the gaping holes of unfulfilment in my life.